


Under the Influence

by kaynga



Series: His & Mine [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, IgNoct, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2018-11-04 17:33:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 25,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10995645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaynga/pseuds/kaynga
Summary: Ignis has never had a strong emotional attachment to anything or anyone. Even as a child, he feels hollow and his world is shrouded in black and white. But when he's introduced to Noctis, suddenly his world fills with color, and Ignis will do anything -anything- to keep that color in his life.





	1. Chapter 1

_“It’s the last thing I want to do…”_

_“I know. But he’ll be better off growing up here and joining the Crownsguard than being shaped by that...catch of yours.”_

_“I told you not to talk about him like that.”_

_“I believe all matters of civility have been thrown out the window, don’t you?”_

Ignis wondered why adults acted like children were deaf. Even sitting in the next room, pretending to play with some toys that had been provided for him, his uncle and mother’s voices carried through his uncle’s flat like the walls were made of paper. Ignis wished they would just be quiet and leave him alone.

_“You can’t blame him. He’s sick. The pills help-”_

_“Enough. I told you that I would take Ignis in. But I want to be clear here. If you walk out this door without him, you and that lowlife will never see him again.”_

A few moments of silence ticked by as Ignis stacked the blocks his Uncle had given him on the table. Whatever his mother was deciding out there, it didn’t really concern him. He hated his home. It wasn’t often that he had strong opinions one way or the other on most things, but hate seemed like the right word to describe that filthy house, always reeking of that weird smelling water his mother liked to drink until she couldn’t stand up straight. The man living with them right now wasn’t his father, but he had been around long enough that his mother had gotten annoyed at Ignis for not calling him ‘father’. And even though he didn’t drink that weird stuff often, Ignis had found him more than once with his expression glazed over, unresponsive, even when he had been put in charge of taking care of Ignis while his mother worked. Ignis didn’t care, though. All it really meant was that he would have to cook for himself that night.

The way Ignis saw it, none of it really mattered. And if his Uncle was going to make it all go away, then Ignis was...well, maybe not happy, but at least less unhappy than he had been before.

He thought he heard some scuffling just then, along with something that sounded like a woman’s sobs. But a few minutes later, he heard the front door slam shut. His mother had walked out on him. And he felt nothing.

* * *

 

Ignis’ uncle did his best from the beginning. Even as a six-year-old, he can recognize the sacrifice his uncle had made to raise him. He tried to ease his uncle’s burden by cleaning and cooking for him when he had the chance, but his uncle had told him that it wasn’t necessary. Ignis was a little confused as to why his uncle would turn down the prospect of free help around the house, but everything became clear when his uncle redirected his attentions to schoolwork. 

The textbooks he was given to read weren’t anything like the ones at his old school - most were so new that the binding hadn’t even begun to fall apart yet - and when he questioned his uncle about his choice in curriculum, all he would say was that he was preparing Ignis for the future. The books detailed the history of Insomnia, the kings of Lucis, and the war with Niflheim. None were particularly interesting, but Ignis read the textbooks cover to cover to keep his uncle’s favor. 

One evening, a few months into living with his uncle, Ignis’ studies had been interrupted by a knock on his door. His uncle never barged in and always waited for Ignis’ permission before entering, which was something of a novelty Ignis hadn’t enjoyed before. 

“It’s open,” Ignis said as he set his book down onto his desk.

Ignis’ uncle opened the door then, stepping inside with a word of thanks before taking a seat on the small twin bed he had purchased for Ignis. “Which book are you on now, Iggy?”

“This one is about the history of the Crystal and the Ring of the Lucii,” Ignis said as he turned in his chair to look at his uncle. “I wish I had read it before I read the history of Lucian kings, but it’s still informative.”

“I’m glad that you seem to be interested,” Ignis’ uncle said as he folded his arms on his lap. “You’ve attended school for the past two years, correct?”

“Yes, Uncle.”

“Excellent. I have a proposition for you.”

Ignis squirmed a little in his chair, his eyes squinting a bit as he focused on his uncle’s face. “What is it?”

“There’s a small school at the Citadel that specializes in educating future advisors and aides to the king. I thought it would be good for you to have a goal in mind, and perhaps it could help you to make a few friends. It has to be lonely staying locked up in this room all the time.”

“It’s not,” Ignis said with a slight shrug. “Does that mean you want me to be an advisor like you?”

“Well...perhaps,” Ignis’ uncle said. “You can always decide differently once you’ve completed your education.”

Ignis seemed to roll the idea around in his mind only briefly before he gave a slight nod. “That sounds nice, Uncle. Thank you.”

Ignis’ uncle smiled then with a hint of fondness. “Always so polite, Iggy. Very unlike your mother. I wonder who you take after.”

Ignis was silent for a moment as though his uncle’s words had confused him, and he glanced back at his book, his gaze focusing on the cover. “It’s a special school, right? Will they give me glasses?”

The confusion seemed to pass over to Ignis’ uncle then, a baffled look entering his eyes. “You need glasses?”

“Yes, but mother couldn’t afford them.”

Something akin to fury grew in Ignis’ uncle’s expression, and he let out a sigh before he stood. “I’ll take you to get an examination next week. You’re turning seven next month, correct?” Ignis nodded. “You can consider them an early birthday present.”

“Thank you, Uncle.”

His uncle seemed to be headed towards the door at that moment, but before he reached the doorway, a look that Ignis couldn’t identify entered into his expression. “You don’t smile much, do you?”

Ignis was confused by the question, and he tilted his head questioningly before he spoke. “Is that bad?”

“I...well, I suppose not. But please talk to me if you ever feel like something doesn’t feel right, okay?”

Ignis nodded, and he got a soft pat on the shoulder before his uncle stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him. It was a lot to take in at once. School. Glasses. Smiles. Ignis dismissed the thoughts fairly quickly before returning to his book.

* * *

 

“Where are we going?” Ignis asked as he adjusted the uncomfortable vest his uncle had insisted he wear under his suit. “I have an exam tomorrow. Shouldn’t I be at home studying?”

Ignis’ uncle spares Ignis a glance, taking in the sight of his suit and new glasses before he returned his attention to the road. “The Citadel. There’s an important meeting that I want you to attend.”

“Why do I have to wear this just for a meeting?”  
“Because it’s a meeting of great import,” Ignis’ uncle said as he pulled the car over to the sidewalk. “Just keep up with me and relax.”

Ignis did his best to listen, though he desperately wished he could have returned back to his uncle’s flat. He wasn’t interested in meeting new people. There was still so much to learn; how was he supposed to keep up with his classmates if he can’t stay home to study?

The internal complaints continued as Ignis’ uncle handed over his keys to a valet and guided Ignis out of the car and up the steps. In short order, he swept both of them off to a large ballroom filled with guests, and Ignis’ eyes widened as he recognized some of them from his textbooks at school. That man over there drinking his weight in wine was a member of the king’s council. That woman there smiling and talking to another well-dressed woman was a member of the Crownsguard. And over there, with the beard and the long black hair and cape...was that the king?

Ignis looked up at his uncle for an explanation, but his uncle only smiled as he pressed a hand against Ignis’ back. “This way,” he said as he walked him over to where the king was standing, surrounded by what had to be a dozen people. Ignis felt his heart rate pick up in pace, and just before they were near King Regis’ side, his uncle redirected him suddenly.

“Ah, here he is,” his uncle said as he turned Ignis towards a young boy who couldn’t have been older than four or five sitting at a table by himself. He had the same dark hair as the king, and seemed to be kicking his legs out of boredom as he glanced around the room. Ignis’ uncle stopped the both of them next to the younger boy’s chair, and he cleared his throat before he spoke. “Your highness, I present to you my nephew, Ignis Scientia. Your father requested that you both meet. Ignis, this is the prince, Noctis Lucis Caelum.”

The boy his uncle called Noctis turned his head then, his blue eyes shining with curiosity as he looked Ignis over. Ignis felt his heart begin to hammer harder at the sudden scrutiny, the feeling unfamiliar and frankly unpleasant, and he returned Noctis’ stare in an attempt to make him feel equally unnerved.

But then a smile spread across Noctis’ lips, leaving Ignis temporarily overwhelmed by a strange, warm emotion that spreads through his arms and legs with a tingling sensation. In his entire life, he couldn’t remember ever feeling anything like it.

Ignis’ uncle seemed to sense Ignis’ sudden confusion, and he gave him a slightly urging pat on the back. “Introduce yourself, Iggy.”

“Iggy,” Noctis repeated with a light laugh before Ignis has a chance to say anything. The new, strange emotion only grew in Ignis’ chest at that moment, and for the first time since Ignis’ mother left him, he smiled too.


	2. Chapter 2

Ignis insisted that they were old enough not to need a chaperone, but his uncle insisted anyway, and he sat at the far end of the round table so that Noctis and Ignis could get acquainted with only mild supervision. The party had worn down, and although he and Noctis hadn’t said much without the goading of Ignis’ uncle, Noctis had taken Ignis’ hand and seemed content with holding it in silence. Ignis was certain that what he was feeling inside had to be visible, as if somehow his own expression was betraying him or perhaps his pulse was so erratic that Noctis could feel it when he squeezed his hand, but when Ignis managed to see his own reflection in a window near the table, his face was as impassive as ever. Strange.

“...dad is sending me to school next year,” Noctis volunteered abruptly, and Ignis’ gaze shot over to him immediately. Noctis’ voice was soft, almost vulnerable, but it attracted Ignis’ immediate attention. “But I don’t know anybody. I don’t like it.”

An unfamiliar feeling settled in Ignis chest, something that made him feel like he wanted to stop anything and everything that could displease Noctis, but he didn’t have a word for what the feeling was. “I used to go to a public school in the city,” Ignis said. He saw his uncle’s brow raise his brow seemingly in curiosity. Ignis hated that he was listening. “But I’ll be attending courses here at the Citadel now. Uncle made all the arrangements.”

“So, you’re gonna be here a lot?” Noctis said, the hint of excitement in his blue eyes making Ignis’ chest flutter with warmth, but then Noctis’ frowned, shoving Ignis’ emotions in another direction entirely. “But we won’t go to school together, huh?”

“No, we won’t,” Ignis said as he glanced back up at his uncle. “But...I think there’s a reason for that.”

“A reason?” Noctis asked.

“Yes. My uncle wants me to be an advisor to the king.”

Noctis’ brow knitted with slight confusion. “...but you’re just a kid.”

“Well, I...I think he meant for when _you’re_ king,” Ignis managed as though he was somehow confessing something personal. “Otherwise...I don’t know why I’d be here right now.”

Noctis lit up, and he squeezed Ignis’ hand more tightly. “You have to promise to visit me when you’re here,” Noctis said insistently. “Dad spends _all_ his time with his people...so you need to be like that too.”

Ignis wanted to blurt out something embarrassing in response, but he reined in on himself and remembered his place. “If that’s your command, Highness,” Ignis ventured in his best impression of his uncle’s voice. His uncle hid his mouth behind his hand in that moment, and Ignis bristled a little when he realized it was because he was laughing.

 

* * *

Noctis’ room was a disaster. Ignis wasn’t certain how he had managed it, but toys were strewn everywhere, his bed was unmade, and there were small, empty packets of snacks here and there throughout the room. Weren’t royal people supposed to have servants or something?

“You can sit over there if you want,” Noctis said as he released Ignis’ hand and pointed towards a small chair that was paired with a cluttered desk. “I wanna show you something.”

Ignis nodded as he stepped carefully over to the chair. The floor, thankfully, had something of a path that made it easy enough to walk around the discarded action figures and small, toy cars. Sliding the chair out from under the desk, Ignis gingerly took a seat, his hands settling in his lap as he looked over the papers and drawings on Noctis’ desk. Some looked like elementary math problems that Ignis recognized from his first year of education, but most of it was scribbles of action heroes he didn’t recognize - probably from some popular comic books or something.

Noctis returned a few moments later with a small, square toy that Ignis immediately recognized as a Rubik’s cube. The stickers were more glittery than the ones Ignis had seen in the past, and it was completely jumbled up. His gaze moved from the cube to look up at Noctis questioningly.

“Dad gave me this for my last birthday,” Noctis explained as he offered the cube over to Ignis. “He said it’d make me smarter or...something. But I can’t figure it out.”

“I’ve...never completed one either,” Ignis said he as took the cube, looking it over before he experimentally twisted one of the sides. In truth, he had never even _touched_ one before. Other kids at school had shown them off sometimes, but none had let them play with theirs. “Did you want me to try?”

Noctis nodded as he took a few steps back so that he could sit on his bed. “It can be your first mission,” Noctis said, a contagious sort of energy entering his voice. “The next time you come here, it’s gotta be solved, okay? Then you gotta show me how you did it.”

“Yes...Your Highness,” Ignis said, his tone somewhat stilted as he held the Rubik’s cube a little more tightly. This was something precious to Noctis, and he was trusting him to solve it. Ignis felt almost unreasonably excited by the idea, but he couldn’t manage much more than a grateful nod.

“Good,” Noctis said as a smile spread over his face. “You can stop calling me ‘Your Highness’, too. I don’t like it.”

Ignis’ felt a sense of dread wash over him. Doing something Noctis disliked brought back the hollow feeling he usually felt in his chest. Swallowing, Ignis settled the Rubik’s cube in his lap as he looked up at Noctis. “I’m...I’m sorry. What should I call you?”

“Just Noctis is fine,” Noctis said as he lightly started to kick his legs just as he had done when Ignis had first seen him. “One of my dad’s friends has a kid too, but I don’t see him much. He calls me Noct.”

“...Noct,” Ignis said experimentally. The smile on Noctis’ face grew, the sight making Ignis’ heart beat in double time. “Thank you. I’ll have this completed for you by the time school starts.”

Noctis nodded. “Okay,” he said as he climbed off his bed. “For now, let’s play.”

* * *

 

Ignis was obsessed with the Rubik’s cube. From the moment he returned to his uncle’s flat, he refused to put it down. Each attempt at solving it left him feeling more frustrated than he had ever felt in his life - after all, Noctis’ trust in him depended on it - but he just couldn’t do it. That night, curled up in his bed, he fell asleep fully dressed, the cube still in his hands.

When his uncle saw it the next day, he offered to help Ignis solve it. Ignis rejected the help outright. There was no way anyone else was going to do this. It was a special mission from Noctis. From Noct.

A week went by. When Ignis finally managed to solve the cube on his own, he nearly ran out the front door with joy to tell Noctis. Instead, he stayed in his seat at the kitchen table with his uncle. It would be rude to leave in the middle of breakfast.

“Oh, did you finally figure it out?” Ignis’ uncle asked as he poured himself some more orange juice. “You look...sort of happy.”

Ignis shuffled a little uncomfortably in his chair. His happiness was meant for Noctis, not his uncle. “It...wasn’t too hard, once I began to recognize the patterns of the rotations.”

Ignis’ uncle gave him another once-over before returning to his breakfast. “You haven’t touched your textbooks since the prince gave you that toy. Are you certain that you’re ready to start school?”

“Of course, Uncle,” Ignis said with certainty as he set the cube on the table. It was only then that he noticed that his hands were shaking a little. “I don’t believe they will be too hard on us during our first week.”

Ignis’ uncle hesitated to answer before he let out a concerned exhale. “Tell me if you need help with any of your studies,” he said. “I went to the very school you’ll be attending. Many of your teachers will be the same that taught me. Just...know that I’m here if you need the help.”

A moment of silence passed as Ignis held his uncle’s eye contact with a certain amount of confusion. “...yes, Uncle,” he ultimately agreed. A large part of him didn’t understand why his uncle cared at all, but with thoughts of seeing Noctis again overwhelming his mind, it was easy enough to finish his breakfast in silence and pack for his first day of school, keeping the solved Rubik’s cube in tow. 

Ignis now had concrete proof that he could be useful to Noctis. As long as he was useful, Noctis would want him around. As long as Noctis was happy, the warmth in Ignis’ chest would return. If Ignis possessed nothing else for the rest of his life, that warmth would still be worth living for. He wondered, distantly, what it was that made the feeling grow. And when he returned the Rubik’s cube to Noctis that evening, his heart began to hammer and his face began to warm just as it had when they had first met. He decided then he didn’t care what it was - all that mattered was keeping that smile on Noctis’ face and that joy in his blue eyes. Whatever the cost, he would gladly pay it.


	3. Chapter 3

“Is it normal for princes to attend school in the city?” Ignis asked his uncle one morning a few months later.

Ignis’ uncle paused in the middle of cutting vegetables for Ignis’ lunch before he looked back at Ignis. He was standing a few paces behind his uncle, fully dressed for the day with his school bag in his right hand. 

“...no, I believe King Regis was educated in the Citadel, as was his father before him,” Ignis’ uncle said as he continued on his work. “His Majesty...wanted Noctis to be able to experience a normal life with his peers.”

“Why?”

Silence followed Ignis’ question. When it was clear Ignis was becoming a little uncomfortable with the lack of answer, Ignis’ uncle let out a deep exhale before he set his knife down and turned around.

“If I tell you this, you must promise that you won’t mention it to Noctis,” Ignis’ uncle said. A flash of...something seemed to present itself in Ignis’ eyes, based on the way his uncle was looking at him strangely.

“Are you all keeping secrets from him?” Ignis asked, the question falling just short of accusatory.

“No, not at all. Noctis is well aware of the situation...in a sense, but it’s a sensitive topic. It’s better to not risk upsetting him.”

His words did their job on Ignis. The last thing Ignis ever wanted was to upset Noctis, and his uncle must have picked up on that fact. Ignis then nodded in silent promise that he would say nothing.

Ignis’ uncle knelt down next to Ignis so that the could be eye to eye - Ignis hated when adults did that - and he put a comforting hand on his shoulder before he spoke. “You remember that book that I had you read about the Crystal?” Ignis nodded. “Noctis...was selected by the Crystal to be the chosen king. In light of that...King Regis decided that he should have as normal of a life as possible before he has to accept his responsibilities.”

“...the chosen king,” Ignis repeated as his thoughts turned back to what he had read before. He couldn’t recall much beyond the Crystal’s purpose, its place in the bloodline of Lucis, and the way it and the Ring of the Lucii protected Insomnia not only from a potential invasion from Niflheim, but from the plague of the Starscourge. There had been nothing about a ‘chosen king’. “Chosen for what, exactly?”

Ignis didn’t like what he saw in his uncle’s eyes then, and for the first time, he could tell that he was intentionally lying to him. “We don’t know everything about what it means, but we do know that Noctis is destined to rid Eos of the scourge forever. There are...paintings of the prophecy at the Citadel. We can only speculate based on what is painted there.”

“...provided that any of it is true,” Ignis said as he gripped the handle of his bag a little tighter. Even if he rarely felt anything towards his uncle at all, it still hurt to know that he was capable of deception. “So, the king wants him to have a normal life because...this is a burden of some sort?”

“That’s more or less the truth of it,” Ignis uncle said as he squeezed his shoulder gently. “King Regis wants him to have as normal of a childhood as a prince with that level of responsibility on his shoulders can have.”

“...I see,” Ignis said as he gently shrugged away his uncle’s hand. “I need to head to class.”

Ignis’ uncle looked startled at the sudden break in contact. “Ignis?”

“I’ll eat what you prepared for dinner this evening. Thank you, Uncle.”

Ignis then turned to leave, and his uncle didn’t stop him.

* * *

Ignis was early when he arrived at the Citadel that morning, and he was glad for it. For once, his goal wasn’t to make it to Noctis’ door for a quick good morning - or rather, his version of a good morning, which was spotting Noctis asleep in his bed and lingering only long enough to fix his strewn about blankets - but instead, there was a certain prophecy that he needed to investigate.

While Ignis wasn’t certain how to find the paintings, he assumed they wouldn’t be difficult to locate. He had been wandering for close to five minutes when he suddenly stopped in his tracks, his chest beginning to burn at the sound of a certain voice.

“Iggy?”

Ignis turned around to see Noctis, clearly up for the day and dressed in his school uniform, and it took him a moment to speak around the tightness in his throat. “Good morning, Noct.”

“Where are you going?” Noctis said as he bridged the distance between the both of them, stopping just one pace away from Ignis. “The school isn’t that way.”

“Yes, I...I know that,” Ignis said as he awkwardly shuffled his weight from one foot to the other. “I was...researching something.”

“The library isn’t over there either.”

“That’s...not the sort of research I was talking about.”

Noctis’ blue eyes lit with confusion, but a smile spread across his features at how timid Ignis seemed to be in that moment. “C’mon, you can trust me, Iggy,” Noctis said warmly as he reached out to take Ignis’ hand. “Just tell me where you want to go and I’ll take you.”

Ignis’ hand was stiff against Noctis’ warm touch before he ultimately gave in, giving Noctis’ hand a gentle squeeze in return. “I heard there were some...paintings,” he ventured with clear uncertainty. “Something about...a prophecy. I wanted to know more.”

The smile on Noctis’ lips seemed to fall, and Ignis hated himself for it. “A prophecy?” he said as he chewed lightly on his bottom lip. “Yeah, I think I know what you’re talking about. Let’s go.”

Ignis felt his heart pounding as Noctis led him down the hall. His promise to his uncle seemed like nothing when it came to deciding whether or not to tell Noctis the truth.

When they arrived, Noctis’ hand broke away from Ignis’, and he slid it into his pocket instead. “There you go,” Noctis said as he watched Ignis step away.

There was a painting of what looked like a woman with a single wing, four men huddled together in front of scores of older, regal men, and below looked to be nothing but weapons and daemons. Noctis looked and felt physically uncomfortable in the room, but for once Ignis didn’t pick up on it, his focus single-mindedly trying to decipher what exactly the painting meant.

“...um...Iggy,” Noctis finally said after giving him a minute. “You’ve seen it now, so...can we go?”

Ignis’ attention snapped back to Noctis, and he finally seemed to recognize his discomfort, a wave of guilt hitting him as he moved back to Noctis’ side. “I apologize,” Ignis said as he reached out for Noctis’ hand without waiting. “I...just needed to see it for myself.”

“I hate it,” Noctis confided softly as he glanced up at the paintings before he guided Ignis back out of the room. “Dad has brought me here a few times...he always looks so sad. I feel like he’s hiding things from me.”

“...he probably is,” Ignis agreed as he allowed Noctis to set their pace and location, and he was able to tell after a moment that he was walking him to his classroom. “You know...how adults get. My uncle lies to me too.”

Noctis looked a bit surprised at Ignis’ accusation. “Your uncle does that?” Ignis nodded. “Man...sometimes this place is too much.”

“It is,” Ignis agreed as he squeezed Noctis’ hand in an effort to communicate to him that he had to go. “At least you get to leave for school, right?”

“...yeah,” Noctis said as his smile slowly returned, bringing the warmth Ignis adored back with it. “I had to get up early today because I got morning detention for being late the last couple days. Not my fault they want to start so early.”

“They dared to give detention to a prince?” Ignis teased. “Your teacher is a brave man.”

Noctis laughed. Ignis loved him for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone for their kind words in the comments. This has been a joy to write so far, and I hope everyone is enjoying the ride! <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to give a brief warning in the beginning that much of this chapter deals with mental health and anxiety. Although I have a few conditions similar to the ones mentioned in the story, I am by no means an expert. If you feel that I have inaccurately or insensitively portrayed anything in my story, please let me know so that I can review and make changes if necessary. Thank you all for reading. <3

A year passed by in a blink. Any of Ignis’ time not dedicated to studying was usually pointed in Noctis’ direction. They played, they joked, Noctis often confided his concerns about being prince and 'the chosen’ to Ignis and Ignis alone, and they were happy. Ignis had wondered for as long as he could remember what actual happiness must have felt like, and even if it wasn't the same in intensity as it was for others, Ignis was...content. Content was a good word for it.

Another year passed. Noctis still wasn't socializing outside of school much, apart from spending his evenings with Ignis. Ignis often insisted on helping him with his studies, and it became the first actual conflict between them. Noctis wanted to work at his own pace. Ignis wanted him to use his time more wisely. That evening ended on a sour note, but the next day, Noctis had given Ignis a hug and apologized. Ignis had almost collapsed with relief. Even though only a night had passed, he had experienced more anxiety in those twelve hours than he had ever felt in his life. 

Another year passed, and everything changed. 

Ignis had found out from his uncle that there had been an accident. Noctis’ status was unknown. King Regis had left, meaning Ignis’ uncle had been required to stay posted at the Citadel, and Ignis had refused to leave his uncle's side until he received an update. 

His uncle's phone rang after midnight. Despite Ignis’ best efforts to eavesdrop, he couldn't hear what the other line was saying, and his uncle only seemed to be offering soft hums of acknowledgement.

“Is he okay?” Ignis asked the moment his uncle removed his phone from his ear. 

“He's alive,” his uncle said as he pocketed his phone. He then started to move to one knee as he often did when he was about to explain something to Ignis. It annoyed Ignis to no end that, even after three years, his uncle still needed to kneel for them to look each other in the eye. “But he's asleep. He sustained numerous injuries, and...it's possible that he might be comatose.”

Ignis felt something in his chest crack painfully. The mental image of Noctis being nearly killed by a rogue daemon was enough to make him feel nauseated. He had to do something. Noctis needed him. “Are they bringing him back to the Citadel?” Ignis asked insistently. 

Ignis’ uncle hesitated before he reached out with both hands to take Ignis’ hands, squeezing them securely. “No,” he said. “The king believes that his best chance is with the Oracle in Tenebrae.”

Ignis’ throat felt so tight that he could barely swallow. “Then I need to pack.”

“Iggy…you can't abandon your studies. Besides, we have no way of knowing when he will wake up.”

“What does that matter?” Ignis snapped, his voice shaky. It suddenly felt as though something was pinching his lungs. “He needs me, Uncle. I swore that I would protect him.”

Ignis’ uncle's expression seemed to tighten in concern, the crows feet above his cheeks and the wrinkles in his brow more pronounced. Ignis realized in that moment just how much his uncle had aged in the last three years, and the sight only made him feel worse. “I understand how you feel. I really do, Iggy. But you'll serve him best here by continuing to learn how to serve him.”

That logic was almost enough to draw Ignis in. But he just...couldn't breathe. His chest started to heave as he sank to his knees, his arms crossing over his chest as he started to hyperventilate. Ignis’ uncle moved quickly to his side, his hand moving to Ignis’ back. “Breathe, Ignis,” his uncle said, the words falling just short of an order as he rubbed Ignis’ back comfortingly. Ignis smacked his hand away.

“Don’t...touch me,” Ignis managed between breaths. It wasn’t the first time he had felt this way, but it had never been this intense. Noctis was hurt. He might be in a coma. What...if he doesn’t wake up?

His uncle respected his words, but he pulled out his phone, pressing a few buttons before he pressed it between his cheek and shoulder.

“Yes, it’s me. I need your assistance. We’re at the Citadel in the foyer. It’s Ignis.”

Ignis’ vision seemed to be littered in dark circles, and the more he couldn’t breathe, the larger and more intense the circles became. By the time his uncle was off the phone, Ignis gave up and collapsed onto the floor in the fetal position. He was going to die. There was no way he could recover from this. And Noctis, if he survived, would be alone. As the room around Ignis started to fade fully to black, he pictured Noctis’ blue eyes and his smile one last time. His Noctis. His…

* * *

“It’s called Reactive Attachment Disorder,” the doctor said to Ignis’ uncle. Ignis had only just started to wake up, but it seemed like he was being...diagnosed with something. But how had he survived in the first place? He had been sure there was no coming back after everything went dark. “It’s an uncommon condition. It occurs often in children who are neglected from a young age and, as a result, aren’t socialized or given proper emotional support.”

“That’s...what I thought it might be,” Ignis’ uncle said. “I did some research when he came to me. He rarely smiles, he doesn’t respond to physical affection, and the only thing that he seems to care about is...being around the prince.”

“The prince was likely the first person to reach out to him in a way that resonated with his needs at the time,” the doctor explained. Ignis blinked a few times before he lifted his head from his pillow. He was lying flat in a hospital bed, but from the angle, he could see his uncle sitting in a chair near a doctor, who seemed to be on some...rolly chair thing. Ignis didn’t know the word for it. “Unfortunately, we don’t have medications that can address your concerns, but I would highly recommend that he see a therapist regularly. If his condition carries into adulthood, it can manifest into depression or even borderline personality disorder.”

Ignis’ uncle nodded. “Thank you, doctor. I’ll find him a therapist as soon as I can.”

“You’re welcome, Mr. Scientia. For now, try to avoid the topic of the prince if possible, but if you find that he insists, offer him reassurances. He needn’t know the whole of the prince’s situation if it’s only going to aggravate his symptoms.”

“Understood,” Ignis’ uncle said as he glanced back up at the bed, a startled look washing over his face. “He’s awake.”

“Ah,” the doctor said as he turned around in the rolly chair thing, and he scooted over to Ignis, placing a hand on the bed rail as he looked Ignis over. “We’re glad that you’re back with us. How are you feeling?”

Ignis felt repulsed by the doctor, so much so that he almost refused to answer. The doctor thought he was broken. And even if he _was_ , it wasn’t like it was his business. “...fine,” he lied, his voice raspy. “My chest feels...heavy.”

“That’s normal,” the doctor said as he looked over his vitals on the screen beeping next to Ignis’ bed. “Do you know what happened to you, Ignis?

Ignis tried to swallow unsuccessfully. “I couldn’t breathe.”

“It’s called a panic attack,” the doctor explained. “Have you ever had one before?”

Ignis felt his gaze move to his clueless uncle, the tiniest hint of guilt hitting him. But it wasn’t like his uncle was always honest either, so he supposed it wasn’t so bad that he never told him. “A few times,” he admitted.

“Are they always that intense?”

“No, I’ve...never blacked out like that. I was sure that I was going to die.”

“That, too, is normal, unfortunately,” the doctor said as he wheeled himself over to a nearby computer, seemingly to take notes. “What often happens is that you will feel an overwhelming sense of dread or helplessness. Struggling to breathe will only intensify your symptoms. The good news is that it’s completely manageable with medicine or mindfulness training, or both if you feel that would help.”

Ignis was overwhelmed by all of the information hitting him at once. “...I...do I have to decide right now?”

“Of course not,” the doctor said reassuringly as he typed another note. “We’ve given you a sedative, and once it wears off enough for you to walk, your uncle is free to take you home. We’ll have to discuss future treatment options, but you don’t need to worry about anything else today.”

So, he didn’t need to worry. It sounded as though everything could go away if he followed the doctor’s instructions. If that were the case, Ignis felt a little more willing to go along with it. The panic usually only struck him at night, when he was all alone, especially if he and Noctis had bickered at some point during the day. It wasn’t common, but it happened, and Ignis…

Ignis sat up in a hurry, making the IV in his arm shift and ache, though he couldn’t have cared less in that moment about his pain or his broken mind or whatever it was the doctor needed to treat. “Noctis. Is he okay?”

“Iggy…” Ignis’ uncle said, a hint of uncertainty in his expression as he glanced at the doctor, then back to Ignis. “He’ll be staying in Tenebrae for the time being. His condition is stable, so you don’t need to worry-”

“How can I not worry?!” Ignis snapped. “He almost got killed!”

“Ignis,” the doctor said in warning as he glanced back at him. “You’re going to aggravate your condition. Would Prince Noctis want you to be like this?”

The doctor’s words broke something in Ignis’ chest that felt like it was made of glass. Of course not. If Noctis saw him like this, weak in a hospital bed just because he couldn’t handle being told that he couldn’t see him…

...but it _hurt_. Thinking that Noctis might be in Tenebrae for any amount of time without him was painful. But based on the doctor’s words, if he wanted to serve Noctis no matter what was happening, he would have to get well first.

Ignis’ eyes hardened with conviction. “Where do I start?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support, everyone. Your comments and kudos make my day. More mental health discussion in this chapter; additionally, the author knows that therapists and psychiatrists are not the same, but little Ignis does not.

The person that returned from Tenebrae was not the Noctis that Ignis had known for the past three years. Instead of energetic blue eyes that seemed to attract Ignis’ attention effortlessly, Noctis’ eyes were colder and less focused. His smiles had become rare. And for the first time, Noctis didn’t really want to tell Ignis what was on his mind anymore. It was as if a part of him had closed off, and everything about it set off Ignis’ anxiety.

“What is it exactly about the prince’s behavior that concerns you?” Ignis’ therapist asked. She had asked, as always, what was on Ignis’ mind that day, and, as always, Noctis had been the answer.

Ignis shuffled a little in the hard, wooden chair he was sitting on. Weren’t psychiatrists supposed to have those reclining beds, like in the cartoons and movies? “It’s not him.”

“What he went through was traumatizing, Ignis. While he may exhibit new behaviors based on his experience, he is still fundamentally the same person as he was before.”

“I know _that_ , but…” Ignis trailed off. He was getting frustrated. “How am I supposed to fix him?”

“That’s not your responsibility,” the therapist said as she crossed her legs underneath her desk. She was sitting directly across from Ignis with a pen and paper in hand. Ignis wondered what kind of notes she could possibly be writing. “Think back to our first few meetings. Prince Noctis is what?”

“...a person, with flaws and autonomy outside of my control,” Ignis parroted back with some annoyance from a mantra he had been given at a previous appointment. While he wasn’t fond of his current therapist, the first one he had been taken to had been awful - he had even gone as far as to tell Ignis that he wasn’t to see Noctis anymore if he planned to recover - but at least this woman that his uncle had found later on accepted that Noctis was permanent fixture in his life. “I beg your pardon, but I’ve heard and said that enough times by now.”

“Very well, let’s review then,” his therapist said as she turned back a page in her notebook. “You said that you went to visit the prince. He was sitting in bed, just as he has every time that you’ve visited him since he returned. Nothing you said or did could convince him to get out of bed or even talk with you for more than a few minutes.”

Ignis was bristling to himself at her bluntness. “So, what?”

“And now you’re here, talking about how to ‘fix’ him. He may be your friend, and one day you made grow up to become his advisor, but it isn’t your place to fix him. Just as he cannot fix the concerns that we have about you and your future happiness, you cannot fix this.”

“Are you suggesting that I don’t see him any longer?” Ignis tensed his legs against his chair, ready to storm out of the room if his therapist answered incorrectly.

“Of course not,” the therapist said calmly as she flipped back to her original page in her notebook. “I think you are missing a key point here, Ignis. What common denominator exists between the both of you?”

Ignis’ brow wrinkled a little above his glasses, his therapist’s words knocking around in his head for a moment before he arrived at a conclusion. “...we both require fixing,” Ignis ventured.

“Not the words I would use, but yes, that is something worth considering,” his therapist said as she gave Ignis a slight, reassuring smile. “It’s at this point that we have two facts worth considering. One, both of you are suffering because of certain traumatic events in your past.” Ignis didn’t particularly feel like he was suffering, at least when he was _outside_ of the therapist’s office, anyway, but he didn’t interrupt. “Two, both of you care deeply about each other. While you might not be able to fix him, Ignis, you might find both of you may be able to heal each other.”

“...heal him?” Ignis repeated dubiously. “How’s that different from fixing?”

“To say that you intend to fix him is similar to saying that you intend to cure him,” Ignis’ therapist said. “However...healing is an ongoing process. It’s something that can be done over and over and without finality.”

“Okay, then...how do I ‘heal’ him?” Ignis asked, a frown tugging at his lips.

“Listen to him. Do small favors for him. Think of things that made him happy in the past, consider if their meaning might have changed since the incident just in case he has any potential negative feelings associated with the activity, then explore motivating him into doing those things.”

Ignis glanced down at his feet. No matter how much he disliked his therapist, he found she did have her redeeming qualities from time to time. “...very well,” he said as he met his therapist’s gaze for the first time since the meeting had begun. “I’ll begin tonight.”

* * *

Ignis had thought over his plan as many times as he possibly could before he went to visit Noctis that evening. He had brought a backpack along with him, and he had worn comfortable shoes. If Noctis agreed to his idea, they would be doing a lot of walking that night.

Reaching his right hand up, Ignis knocked on Noctis’ door with a familiar, firm rhythm. Noctis shouted something about the door being unlocked, and Ignis took a steadying breath before he walked in.

The room was even more filthy than usual. Ignis could tell at a glance that Noctis must have been refusing his maidservant’s pleas for him to allow her to clean his room. All of the discarded, half-eaten bits of food on plates and piles of soda and tea bottles were littered across practically every surface. Clenching his teeth, Ignis hesitantly looked up at Noctis’ bed, seeing that Noctis was currently lying on his side, not facing him.

“Noct,” Ignis said as he stepped over to the bed, walking around the mess before he set his backpack on the edge of the mattress. “You aren’t going to sleep already, are you?”

“...was thinking about it,” Noctis answered as he turned just a little bit so that he could look up at Ignis. “Why? Didn’t you have homework?”

“Yes, but I thought this to be more important,” Ignis said as he lightly pulled back Noctis’ comforter, and he slid in bed along next to him, reaching out to take his hand. They had shared a bed dozens of times throughout the years they had known each other, and it still felt as natural as when they were young children.

Noctis looked a little surprised - Ignis hadn’t tried to touch him at all since their first awkward encounter upon his return when he had flinched away from Ignis’ attempt to touch his shoulder - and he squeezed Ignis’ hand gratefully as he turned around to face him completely. “Are you sleeping over?”

“Perhaps, but that isn’t why I came,” Ignis said as he gave Noctis a faint smile. “You talk about wanting to leave the Citadel all the time. I thought...tonight, after it gets dark, we can sneak out together. The arcade is open late, and I brought plenty of quarters.”

The prospect seemed to resonate with Noctis, and Ignis saw the first hint of excitement in Noctis’ blue eyes that he hadn’t seen since before he had sustained his injuries. “That...sounds great,” Noctis said, returning Ignis’ smile easily. “How long until we go?”

“Two hours,” Ignis said as he shifted a little nearer to Noctis, lightly resting his forehead against the round of his shoulder. “Until then...let’s nap. I set an alarm on my cell phone.”

“Mm,” Noctis hummed as he leaned his head against Ignis’, his nose burying into his hair, and his chest rose as he seemed to relax with Ignis’ scent so near. Sleep came quickly and easily.

* * *

It was the first time Ignis and Noctis had tried to escape from the Citadel, and even though they were eventually caught returning up the stairs to the Citadel by Ignis’ uncle, it wouldn’t be the last. Ignis took the entirety of the blame, and everyone believed him. Noctis was walking with a crutch because of his knee, and none of them could picture why he would want to do so much walking when he was in so much pain. Ignis had to imagine the people that thought that had never really felt pain in their entire lives if they couldn’t understand his need for normalcy.

The light sometimes returned to Noctis’ eyes after Ignis started their little adventures, which contented Ignis to the point that he actually felt a little grateful for his therapist, and although they were still caught from time to time, Ignis was beginning to think that his uncle must be letting them off the hook sometimes. His suspicion was confirmed one night when he returned to his uncle’s flat, and his uncle, without turning away from his newspaper or coffee, asked Ignis if he and Noctis had had fun at the park. Ignis had given him a noncommittal hum before practically speed-walking to his bedroom to avoid further questioning.

Several more months had passed, and the night after Ignis’ eleventh birthday, he traveled once again to the Citadel, this time only to have a sleepover with Noctis. Noctis had turned nine after returning from Tenebrae, but he had refused to celebrate his birthday at all after what had happened. Ignis had taken note, and he had decided that Noctis would at least get his share of birthday cake on his own birthday. His uncle was an excellent baker, and he knew from the first bite that Noctis would love it.

“Mm, it’s perfect, Iggy,” Noctis said as he took another big bite from the small plate Ignis had brought him. He was sitting up in bed, with a glass of punch between his legs that Ignis had brought with him. “Your uncle’s amazing.”

Ignis gave Noctis a slightly awkward smile at that. He was sitting in the bed along with Noctis, his back resting against a pillow. “He’s...a good uncle,” he said, and he found that when he considered his words a moment later, he really did mean them.

“Wish they cooked like this here,” Noctis said after he had swallowed another mouthful. “They always try to get me to eat these gross vegetables. Dad lets them give me sweets sometimes, but...usually I just go buy snacks with my allowance and eat those.”

“I’d noticed,” Ignis said pointedly as he glanced at a few empty wrappers sitting at the end of the bed. “You know, Noct, I...I wouldn’t mind cleaning in here sometimes. It might help you feel a little more...open.”

Noctis hesitated before he glanced back over at Ignis. “...open?”

Ignis nodded. “It’s something that I read,” he lied. This was one of those favors his therapist had suggested for him, but he didn’t want Noctis to know that he was seeing a therapist. The last thing he wanted was for Noctis to know that he was broken too. “The book said that...the more chaotic one’s environment is, the easier it is for one to internalize the chaos, or….something like that, anyway.”

Noctis looked like he was wrinkling his nose at Ignis’ words, but ultimately he seemed to relent. “...if it’s you, it’s okay,” Noctis said as he idly moved his fork against the icing on his plate. “I just...don’t like other people going through my things. They might throw away something I need.”

“I understand,” Ignis said, relief evident in his tone and posturing. He had broken down a few barriers, at least. For now, he supposed he would have to be happy with his small victories.

* * *

That night, when they were both cuddled up together and almost ready to sleep, Noctis had started to cry.

"Noct...?" Ignis asked as he saw tears run down Noctis' cheeks, and he panicked internally before he summoned up energy to pull away just enough so that he could grab some tissues for Noctis.

"Iggy," Noctis said as he gratefully took the tissues, and he briefly wiped the tears from his cheeks, a shuddering breath leaving him. "The empire has Luna...I'm so afraid for her. Father should have never ever left her behind."

Luna. The daughter of the oracle. Ignis had heard about her during his classes, and she had been mentioned here and there when Ignis had asked questions about Tenebrae, but whoever she was...she was making Noctis cry.

A strong, burning sensation started to grow in Ignis chest. Someone important to Noctis. Someone other than him. He felt the pace of his breathing kick up as he looked up at Noctis. "I'm...sure the king is already planning for her rescue," Ignis said, his mouth tasting like poison in that moment. The burning persisted. For the first time, Ignis felt jealousy so raw that it was maddening.

"...you think so? Did your uncle tell you?" Noctis asked, a trace of hope in his voice. 

Ignis' knee-jerk feeling as that he wanted that hope to be stamped out, but he had to prioritize Noctis' feelings. "No, but...I trust them both. If there's a way to save her, they will figure it out."

Noctis calmed down for the most part then, and they resumed cuddling, Noctis' head resting against Ignis' extended arm, occasionally parting so that he could wipe his face with the spare tissue. Inside, Ignis felt like he was burning alive. This amount of jealousy...he never felt anything like it. Noctis drifted to sleep a few minutes later, but Ignis remained awake. Luna...her absence hurt Noctis, but the idea of her presence hurt Ignis. Noctis might not need him anymore if that girl was around.

Ignis couldn't find an answer that night. But if he felt this horrible from just _thinking_ about her being around Noctis...he hoped that Noctis would never see her again.


	6. Chapter 6

Therapy wasn't accomplishing much in Ignis’ opinion, but it was doing wonders for his ability to mimic the behavior his uncle and therapist desired from him. The only times that he really felt at ease were when he was with Noctis, and no amount of his uncle’s meddling had undone that attachment.

However, it was the reason why, shortly after he had turned twelve, Ignis ended up in the presence of Gladiolus Amicitia. Under the pretext of additional training for the Crownsguard, his uncle had brought him to training yard. Even as an advisor, it was to Ignis’ benefit that he be able to protect Noctis if it came to that.

“What’s your dominant hand?” the older boy - Gladiolus - had asked when he brought him to a small shed filled with different types of practice weapons. “We don’t have a ton of left-handers, but there’s some-”

“I don’t know,” Ignis interrupted as he looked over the array of wooden and, in some cases, plastic weapons. None of them were particularly appealing, though he did look over one of the longswords with mild interest. “I can write well with both hands. I’ve never really favored one over the other.”

“Ambidextrous, huh?” Gladiolus said, his tone sounding a little impressed as he plucked a few wooden swords out for Ignis to choose from. “Mr. Scientia said you’ve never really trained before, so just pick something out from here and I’ll judge what works for you.”

Ignis turned his attention away from the longsword and focused on Gladiolus briefly. He was well over a head taller than him, with muscles that easily showed through his grey tank-top, and Ignis felt somewhat intimidated at the thought of having to fight him, even in a pretend way. “This one, I suppose,” Ignis said as he selected a short sword from the selection Gladiolus was offering.

“So, you’re going to be Noct’s advisor, huh?” Gladiolus said as he handed over the short sword, and he spent a moment returning the other swords that he had picked out to their proper places.

“That is the current plan, yes,” Ignis said as he tested the weight of the practice short sword in his right hand. “But my uncle already told you that. Why ask about it?”

“...heh,” Gladiolus huffed as he turned back around, motioning for Ignis to step out of the shed and following after him once he had, carrying along with him a large, wooden broadsword. “Small talk isn’t your strong suit.”

“He likely told you that as well.”

“Might’ve mentioned it,” Gladiolus said as he guided Ignis over to the center of the training yard, and he lifted his broadsword over his head, resting it back against his shoulder as he gave Ignis a once-over. “You’re pretty puny. When we’re done, I’m putting you on a cardio regimen and giving you some strength training. You won’t be any good to Noct if you can’t lift a real sword.”

The challenge in Gladiolus’ words were enough to stoke a competitive fire in Ignis’ expression, and he braced his foot back against the grass like he had seen in movies, approximating what he thought was a fighting stance with his sword raised. “Talk about it later. I’m here to learn, not listen to the lesson plan.”

Gladiolus’ features tensed before he broke out into a laugh, the sound deep and echoing around the training yard. “C’mon, kid,” he chastised even as he grinned. “Stop with that shit. We have a long way to go if you think that’s a fighter’s stance.”

Ignis felt his face heat up in embarrassment. “If I’m not doing it right, then it’s your fault for not teaching me,” he shot back.

“Right, right,” Gladiolus said as he tossed his wooden broadsword onto the grass. “First of all, you’re making yourself too big of a target. You’re not a coeurl trying to make itself look big to predators. You’re a scrawny kid. Use it to your advantage.”

While Ignis didn’t appreciate the bonus commentary, he listened and tried to turn so that he was facing more to the side rather than looking Gladiolus head on. “Like this?” he asked after a moment of awkward twisting.

“Close,” Gladiolus said as he walked the few paces between them, adjusting the position of Ignis’ feet, hips, back, and arms until he was satisfied. “There.”

Ignis shifted a little uncomfortably. “This hardly feels natural.”

“You’ll get there,” Gladiolus said. “Practice with Noct sometime. It’s one of the few things he’s good at so far.”

“He’s only ten,” Ignis protested. “You’re already teaching him how to fight?”

“Kid, I’ve been teaching him since he was five,” Gladiolus said as he reached up to adjust the way Ignis was holding his sword. “Loosen up your grip. There you go. Anyway, once the king decided he should attend school in the city, he thought he should be trained just in case.”

“...sensible of him,” Ignis decided after a moment, though part of him felt annoyed that Gladiolus knew things about Noctis that he didn’t know. “Is there any reason why you’re using that giant thing instead of trying to match what I’m using?”

“You think the enemy is going to adjust in order to give you the advantage?” Ignis was silent at that, and Gladiolus continued when it was obvious he wasn’t going to get any protests. “That’s better. Stay like that for a minute.”

Ignis did as he was told.

* * *

Once the first training session was over, Ignis felt completely exhausted. He was dripping with sweat, and his pride had taken more than a few blows - as had his arms and legs. When all was said and done, he sat in the grass trying to catch his breath as Gladiolus disappeared to put their practice weapons away. 

When he returned, it was with a towel and a water bottle, both of which Ignis accepted with a word of thanks. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep up,” Ignis admitted as he unscrewed the cap to the plastic bottle. “You were killing me out here.”

“Better out here than in a real fight,” Gladiolus said as he took a seat next to Ignis.

“I suppose that you’re right,” Ignis said before he took a long, deep drink from the water bottle. Gladiolus studied him for a moment before he leaned back onto his palms.

“Noct calls you Iggy, right?” Gladiolus asked. Ignis felt himself start to bristle at how much Gladiolus seemed to know about his relationship with Noctis.

“Just how much did my uncle tell you exactly?”

“No, it wasn’t him,” Gladiolus said as he reached up to scratch the beginnings of a patchy beard that was starting to grow on his face. It was clear he wasn’t quite ready for facial hair yet. “Noct talks about you all the time. Tells me about all those trips to the arcade and to the park.”

Ignis froze as he considered whether or not to confirm or deny the truth of Noctis’ words, but after a moment, he decided that it didn’t matter. “And?”

“Just thought if I’m going to train you, it doesn’t hurt to get to know each other a little bit,” Gladiolus said. “If Noct calls you Iggy, I was wondering if you preferred it to ‘Ignis’.”

In truth, Ignis only liked it when Noctis used the name ‘Iggy’, but since his uncle had technically come up with the nickname, he decided that it wasn’t exactly sacred. “Whatever you want is fine,” Ignis said before taking another long sip from the bottle, his gaze moving to Gladiolus, taking in how he had barely broken a sweat during their practice session. “Was all of that not even a workout for you?”

“Not really,” Gladiolus said as he lowered his hand back into the grass. “I mean, it’s good cardio, I guess. But it wasn’t very intense.”

Ignis let out an annoyed breath and said nothing.

“Look, Iggy, you want to get me worked up? Keep coming here. Don’t stop until you can at least hit me.”

Ignis looked up into Gladiolus’ amber eyes. Even if he wasn’t exactly the kindest or most entertaining person to be around, Ignis appreciated the brutal honesty in juxtaposition to the way most adults talked to him - though Gladiolus was hardly an adult yet - and training with him would mean that he could protect Noctis. 

After a brief moment of consideration, Ignis nodded. “Gladly.”


	7. Chapter 7

One day, very abruptly, Ignis turned down sleeping over with Noctis for the first time.

“Why not?” Noctis asked, clearly hurt.

“I...can’t say,” Ignis said. Lying had been his first idea, but with Noctis’ blue eyes so beseeching, he couldn’t manage it. Not after all these years of maintaining Noctis’ trust. 

That answer wasn’t satisfactory for Noctis. And in truth, it wasn’t particularly satisfactory for Ignis either.

“Please, Iggy,” Noctis said as he reached out to take Ignis’ hand. Ignis yanked his hand back like Noctis was infected with something that he didn’t want to catch - or maybe it was vice versa.

The rejection hardened Noctis’ expression in Ignis’ direction for the first time. They had argued before, sure, but it was nothing compared to what looked like betrayal in Noctis’ eyes. “Fine. Go home.”

Ignis hung his head, looked as if he was about to say something, then ultimately obeyed.

* * *

The night before their argument, Ignis had had a dream. It had been very vivid, and he could remember very little of it apart from the fact that Noctis had been in it. He had then woken up with something wet in his underwear. Something similar had happened before a few times, but he had never had such an...intense dream beforehand.

Ignis knew what was happening - had learned from biology books years ago - but it had made him nervous. He couldn’t at all know if something like this could happen while he shared a bed with Noctis. The thought of it was humiliating. Noctis was too young to understand something like this. And more than that, if Noctis was a source of...what was happening to him, then sleeping together only increased the likelihood that he might embarrass himself. 

Some part of Ignis wanted to think about why Noctis had provoked this reaction in him, but he had decided that he would work on one crisis at a time.

And despite how awkward he knew it was going to be, he knew he would need to talk to his uncle to get a better grasp on what was happening - and if there was a solution.

Ignis had made his way back to his uncle’s flat after Noctis had sent him home, feeling completely and totally sullen, though as Ignis walked through the front door and glanced at a mirror on the wall, he couldn’t quite see how torn up he felt inside.

His uncle was sitting in the living room, sipping from a can of coffee and reading through some files that Ignis recognized as documents that his uncle had often brought back from meetings with the royal council. He wasn’t certain at first if he should interrupt, but the torn open feeling in his chest kept his feet moving until he was sitting in a chair beside him.

“Iggy?” Ignis’ uncle said, a slightly surprised look in his eyes as he lowered the file onto his lap. “I had assumed you wouldn’t return tonight.”

“If I could have stayed, I would,” Ignis said honestly as he shuffled his feet against the floor. “Noct...sent me home.”

That set off an alarm bell in his uncle’s mind. He set the files down onto the coffee table along with the can he had been drinking from, and without a moment’s hesitation, he brought his full attention to Ignis, his right hand gently resting on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Iggy. Did you two quarrel?”

“Not...exactly,” Ignis said as his posturing stiffened at his uncle’s touch. Even after all of these years, he still wasn’t used to it, and his uncle withdrew his hand after he sensed his discomfort. “I’m experiencing something...uncontrollable. I’m sick of reading that it’s ‘natural’. I just want to control it and be done.”

Ignis’ uncle blinked in confusion at him. “Apologies, I...control what, exactly?”

“Erections. And nocturnal emissions, I think they’re called.”

Ignis’ uncle’s face burned at Ignis’ bluntness. “I-I see.”

Ignis gave his uncle a side-eye. “So, what do I do?”

“Well, it’s…” His uncle trailed off, uncertainty heavy in his eyes. “...you can’t really control it. Not at this age. You may be sick of hearing ‘it’s natural’, but there’s a reason why they say that.”

“And how long am I going to go through this?” Ignis asked, his tone edging a little on frustration. “I can’t stop it from happening. I can’t sleep next to Noctis when I’ve no idea in what condition I will wake up.”

“Noctis...is a boy as well,” his uncle said, clearly trying to soften the severity of the situation. “Surely he would understand.”

“I can’t just _tell_ him about it,” Ignis shot back. “He’s only ten. Something like this...it’s too much.”

“But he’ll be going through something similar in a few years. Don’t you think he’ll want a friend that understands?”

Ignis had considered that, and even though his uncle had a point, he still was reluctant to admit anything. The thought of talking to Noctis about what he was feeling felt...wrong. Wrong was the only word he could think of for it.

“If he does, I can be that friend,” Ignis said, and he let out a breath as he looked back down at his feet. “Until then, I’ll leave our relationship as it is, and I’ll sleep over here. It’s not as if we were always meant to share a bed.”

A slightly awkward moment of silence passed between them, and Ignis watched as his uncle shifted uncomfortably before he spoke. “...if that’s what you want, Iggy,” his uncle said as he averted his gaze to his files. “If you need it, I can help...explain things, if you don’t understand-”

“That won’t be necessary,” Ignis interrupted to spare both of them any additional awkwardness. “I know enough.”

“...if you’re sure,” Ignis’ uncle said, relief evident in his tone. “Are you going to call Noctis? It may help if you two make up before you go to bed.”

“I’ll...consider it,” Ignis lied. In truth, he was too afraid of experiencing that rejection again. He shuffled forward in his chair as if to indicate that he wanted to leave. “Thank you for your advice, Uncle.”

“Anytime,” his uncle said as he turned his head to study Ignis briefly. “Before you go, Iggy...I wanted to ask you something.”

Ignis settled back down with some hesitation. “Yes?”

“Have you ever considered that your attachment to Noctis...might include something like a crush?” 

The skin on Ignis’ cheeks were suddenly hot. “A crush?” he repeated in disbelief.

Ignis’ uncle tilted his head in question. He rarely got to see Ignis’ internal thoughts manifest themselves on his face, and he wasn’t going to ruin the moment by speaking.

“I-I...never considered it,” Ignis said honestly as he pointedly looked away from his uncle. “But it’s absurd regardless. He’s a prince.”

“Since when has that ever mattered to the both of you?” Ignis’ uncle reminded. “You’ve never seemed to care about that when you’ve slept over at the Citadel or when you absconded with him to your little playdates.”

“I need to finish my homework,” Ignis said as he stood up from the chair abruptly. “Good night, Uncle.”

Ignis’ uncle had to hide a smile behind his hand. Ignis noticed it anyway and hated it.

* * *

Back in his room, Ignis was stuck with nothing but his thoughts and with the lonely reminder that Noctis was mad at him. His uncle hadn’t been of much help, and the internet hadn’t provided any additional answers. And as Ignis curled up in his bed, he felt helpless.

_“Have you ever considered that your attachment to Noctis...might include something like a crush?”_

His uncle’s words returned in that moment, making Ignis’ ears burn and his body feel strange. It wasn’t as though there was anything inherently wrong with the idea of having feelings for Noctis, but Ignis was terrified of what it could do to their friendship. 

But just what was a crush anyway? Someone that you love? Ignis had known that he had loved Noctis for years. Then, what made it an adult relationship? Kissing, hugging, some other stuff that Ignis had read about online...and being together all the time. Even if Ignis didn’t understand the ‘other stuff’, nor did he think it mattered, the rest of it didn’t sound...all that bad. Ignis thought back to his dream, and even if he couldn’t recall the specifics, he could remember how his dream Noctis had made him feel - whole, sated, and safe.

Maybe a crush wasn’t the worst thing in the world to have.

* * *

The night, Ignis snuck back over to the Citadel when his uncle was asleep. The guards knew him well enough by now, and had even turned a blind eye in the past when he and Noctis were sneaking back in after a late night excursion, so getting to Noctis’ room wasn’t a difficult accomplishment. Once he was there, Ignis took a deep breath, held it, then let it out. He then knocked his usual, terse knock at the door.

Noctis was there in moments, his eyes wide with surprise, then suspicion. “...why did you come back?”

“I wanted to see you,” Ignis said honestly as he adjusted the backpack he had brought with him with, stuffed with a fresh change of clothes and his school books. “I’m sorry, Noct. Can I stay?”

“Only if you tell me why you wouldn’t stay before,” Noctis said haughtily, though he stepped aside and let Ignis in anyway. He then closed the door behind him. “None of this ‘I can’t say’ stuff.”

Ignis had been prepared for the question, and he still didn’t want to lie to Noctis. But he had been able to shape up an excuse that wasn’t a lie. “I...was thinking too much,” Ignis said as he set his backpack by Noctis’ bed. “I thought we were getting too old for me to keep sleeping over. So...I decided we shouldn’t.”

“...but you came back,” Noctis said, his expression brightening as he walked over to Ignis, hugging his back tightly. Ignis felt like his heart had skipped a beat.

“Yes,” Ignis said as he reached down to take both of Noctis’ hands, threading their fingers together and squeezing the warmth of them tightly. Ignis thought they fit perfectly together. “I apologize for upsetting you.”

“It’s okay,” Noctis said as he rested his forehead against Ignis’ shoulder. They were still around the same height, even if Ignis was two years older, and Ignis might have felt annoyed about that fact if he wasn’t so charmed by the way Noctis could cuddle him in this position. “You’re here.”

“Always,” Ignis said.

* * *

That night, Ignis and Noctis cuddled up as usual in Noctis’ large bed, with Noctis nestled up underneath Ignis’ left arm. Ignis usually slept on his back, and it made the fact that Noctis liked to throw his limbs over him like an octopus during the night more convenient.

“...Iggy?” Noctis asked, breaking the mutually comfortable silence. “Your heart is kinda going fast.”

Ignis swore internally. “It...is?” he managed poorly.

“Are you nervous?” Noctis asked as he lifted his head to look up at Ignis. Ever since the accident, Noctis had slept with a night light, and the light reflected just enough in Noctis’ blue eyes that Ignis felt himself sinking into them. There was clear worry in Noctis’ expression - a fear that Ignis might leave again - but Ignis wanted to quell the feeling immediately.

Without thinking, he leaned forward, closing his eyes as he pressed their lips together softly and cautiously. Noctis froze, but otherwise didn’t react.

After a second, Ignis pulled back, his face and chest burning. What had he done? Noctis hadn’t ever kissed anyone to his knowledge, and for him to be so brazen as to steal the prince’s first kiss...it was unthinkable.“I’m sorry, I-”

“It’s okay, but...can you...do that again?” Noctis asked, his blue eyes alight with innocent curiosity.

Ignis felt his breath catch at the request, and he bit his lip before he closed his eyes, breathing out a nervous breath. He then started to lean forward, his eyes opening slowly to see that Noctis’ eyes were closed, his soft lips puckered just slightly in preparation for the kiss.

In that moment, Ignis felt his body respond. And everything went wrong at once.

In a panic, Ignis turned away, and releasing Noctis as he started to shuffle towards the edge of the bed. There was no way he was going to let Noctis see or feel what their kiss and the prospect of more kisses had done to him.

“I-Iggy?” Noctis called out as Ignis clambered out of the bed, quickly gathering up his things and putting his shoes on. “Iggy, wait!”

“Noct, I...I apologize, but I just...” Ignis trailed off before he stopped himself, and he shook his head before he bolted in the direction of the door. He accidentally slammed it shut behind him, leaving Noctis and his hopes of kindling a relationship with him behind.


	8. Chapter 8

Ignis had shown steady progress with Gladio’s training. It had taken a few sessions before he realized that he preferred shorter range weapons. Gladio had lit up at the suggestion, and after rustling through the practice weapon shed, he had produced two wooden daggers for him to try.

They had been at it for about an hour. Ignis’ forehead and neck were covered in sweat and his body was aching in the places where he had screwed up and given Gladio an opening to strike. He never asked for Gladio to hit more softly during practice. It would defeat the purpose, after all.

Gladio called the practice complete finally, and Ignis let out a relieved breath. It had felt good to do something to keep the gnawing emptiness in Ignis’ stomach at the thought of Noctis.

“Same again tomorrow?” Ignis asked, managing despite being somewhat out of breath. He reached up to wipe the sweat from his brow. “I almost had you a few times before my stamina gave out.”

“Hm, maybe give it a few days, Specs,” Gladio said. “Sit down for now.”

Ignis obeyed and took a seat in the grass. He set the daggers down and shook some of the tension from his hands. “Then cardio tomorrow,” Ignis said somewhat insistently. “After class. If you’re busy, I could always take a jog on my own.”

“No plans yet,” Gladio insisted as he tossed his wooden broadsword down onto the ground. “We gotta talk.”

Ignis didn’t like the sound of that. “...what could we possibly have to discuss? Am I not following your regimen properly?”

“You know that you’re improving just fine,” Gladio shot back as he folded his arms over his chest. “It’s about our little prince.”

A tense moment of silence passed as Ignis stared at Gladio evenly, while internally he was experiencing something close to a short-circuit. “What...exactly do we need to discuss about His Highness?”

“He hasn’t been right for the last few weeks,” Gladio said as he studied Ignis with an intensity that he didn’t appreciate. “I’ve also heard from the guards that you haven’t been visiting him, either.”

This sparked the beginnings of anger in Ignis’ chest. What he did or did not do in relation to Noctis was his business alone. “Is there any reason in particular you’ve decided to spy on me?”

“What? No, man. I heard from your uncle. He told me to talk to you.”

Ignis was silent for a moment as he felt the spark inside him flare. “Both you and he can collude about something that doesn’t involve me, if you don’t mind,” Ignis said as he shifted on his right knee and started to stand. “Thank you for the practice, Gladio.”

“Hey, we’re not done here,” Gladio said as he reached out to grab Ignis’ arm. Ignis turned back to him, the fire inside him surely evident in his eyes, but Gladio didn’t seem willing to back down regardless. “He’s not taking guests. His room is a pigsty. Hell, he missed school for a week until King Regis put his foot down.”

“...even King Regis is aware?” Ignis asked, a flutter of anxiety passing through him. 

“He’s his son, Iggy,” Gladio said. “I know he’s busy, but he’s going to notice when his prince is acting out.”

Ignis had nothing to say to Gladio, who hesitantly released his arm once he was certain that Ignis wasn’t going to run off. He desperately wanted to ask if Noctis had given them a reason for his sudden attitude change, but he was too nervous to ask.

“Look, either you can apologize for whatever you did or you find a new career path,” Gladio said frankly as he put a hand on his hip. “You can’t be his advisor if you’re going to up and abandon him when he needs you.”

“...he doesn’t need someone like me,” Ignis murmured almost too quietly for Gladio to hear. He felt as though Gladio’s words had punched a hole in his gut. “Perhaps...you’re right, about making a change in career.”

Gladio’s amber eyes widened. “...you’re kidding,” he said in a dubious tone. “You’re really wanting to give up on him?”

Ignis felt his eyes begin to sting. The idea of a life without Noctis was so painful that it was hard to even breathe. “I’m not...giving up,” Ignis managed. “I’m protecting him.”

“Protecting him from what?” Gladio said, a beat of silence passing before his eyes narrowed the faintest bit. “From you? What the hell did you do to him, Ignis?”

“I...I ran away,” Ignis said in a hushed tone. “We argued, I confused him, he begged for me to stay, and I left. That’s hardly behavior befitting a royal advisor.”

“What, that’s it? You guys just argued?”

“It was...intense,” Ignis managed, his face starting to heat the slightest bit. “He’ll...get over it, and he’ll find someone more suitable for him to rely on.”

“Look, Specs, if you think I’m believing that shit…”

“It’s the truth,” Ignis said resolutely as his brow furrowed into a slight glare pointed in Gladio’s direction. “The details aren’t necessary.”

“Whatever, but you can’t just give up,” Gladio said. “I forbid it. I’ve been busting my ass to train you, and I’m not letting that go to waste.”

“Apologies for inconveniencing you so,” Ignis shot back as he turned away. “If I agree to talk to him a final time, will you lay off?”

“Good enough for me,” Gladio said, a hint of relief in his eyes. “Just...be careful. Maybe clean his room if he’ll let you. I don’t think he’ll get any more willing to deal with us if he keeps hiding in filth.”

“Done.”

* * *

Ignis couldn’t have hated himself more. Not only had he hurt Noctis irreparably, but it was so intense that everyone around him at least knew something had happened between them. Based on what Gladio had said, Noctis hadn’t said anything about the kiss. That was a small comfort.

After showering back at his uncle’s flat, Ignis grabbed one of the canned coffees from the fridge before he made his way back to the Citadel. It tasted bitter and a little gross, but he downed the entire can anyway.

Making his way back to Noctis’ room after promising himself that he would never return was a painful trek. He missed Noctis so much it hurt. It was like living without air. No matter how much he had followed his therapist’s instructions on breathing through his anxiety, he still felt just as empty and on edge. He had succumbed to anxiety medication in order to sleep, mostly since he knew he still had his studies and his training to handle until he decided how to permanently extricate himself from Noctis’ life, but little else had helped.

When Ignis made his way to the door, he used his usual knock to tell Noctis it was him. There was no answer at first. Biting his lower lip, Ignis hesitated before he knocked again. Perhaps Noctis was out. Perhaps Noctis had wanted nothing to do with him any longer. Or worse than that, perhaps Noctis had-

The trail of anxious thoughts stopped as the door slowly came open. Ignis stared into the crack in the door at Noctis’ tired, disappointed blue eyes. It broke his heart and made him long to hold him as close as he could.

“...what do you want?” Noctis asked through the small crack. He hadn’t opened the door anywhere close to wide enough for Ignis to consider himself welcome to enter.

“I...wanted to talk,” Ignis said, his resolve wavering. “And...apologize, for many things.”

There was something that changed in Noctis’ expression then, and he slowly, hesitantly, let the door open more so that Ignis could step inside.

Gladio hadn’t been kidding about the state of Noctis’ room. There were leftover plates, cups, bottles, and silverware scattered about amongst the bunches of comic books and another large book that Ignis couldn’t see the title of. 

“Sit somewhere,” Noctis said a little plainly as he moved to sit on the edge of his bed. The words were almost an order to Ignis’ ears, and an obvious way of telling him that he didn’t want Ignis close as he usually did. Ignis swallowed as he moved some textbooks off of Noctis’ desk chair before he sat down.

A beat of silence passed as Ignis looked Noctis over. There were bags under his eyes, and he looked exhausted, even if the state of his room told him that Noctis hadn’t been up to much except indulging in making messes. Ignis took a deep breath before he spoke. “Last time, my actions were...inappropriate. I also didn’t handle it well. I told you that I would be here, and I wasn’t.”

“You ran away,” Noctis said accusingly. Ignis realized how much he was acting his age, even if they were only separated by a couple years. “After you promised that you wouldn’t.”

“I’m aware of that,” Ignis said as he pressed his hands into small fists in his lap. “I...apologize. I shouldn’t have kissed you, and I shouldn’t have run.”

Noctis looked more angered than satisfied by the apology. “Why did you do it?”

“Which transgression are you referring to, Highness?” Ignis said defensively.

“Both! If you were just going to run away, why did you do it?” Noctis said, his blue eyes starting to water. Ignis couldn’t tell if they were angry tears or sad ones, but regardless, the sight was enough to make his heart feel pinched.

“It...was an impulsive decision that I made in the moment,” Ignis tried to explain. He knew that he couldn’t tell Noctis the whole truth, but he pressed on nonetheless. “Then, when I realized what I did...I panicked.”

“Was kissing me that bad?” Noctis asked as his tears started to spill over, though the anger didn’t leave his eyes.

“Noct, you’re...a prince,” Ignis said as his fists tightened. “It’s...bloody ridiculous for me to expect that you can accept that kind of affection from your advisor.”

“Who gets to decide that?” Noctis shot back.

Ignis was at a loss for words. “I...society. Certainly your father would have some words for me.”

“He’s not mad,” Noctis murmured as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. “He just seemed...worried.”

The implication that Noctis had talked to _King Regis_ of all people made Ignis feel as though his heart had stopped. “You...told him?” Ignis said, clearly aghast at the thought. 

“He wanted to know why I was upset,” Noctis said, a bit of a haughty look entering his eyes.

“And he...didn’t forbid you from talking to me?” Ignis asked.

“Dad wouldn’t do that,” Noctis said as he wiped his face with his other hand. Ignis couldn’t stand watching him from afar any longer, and he grabbed a few tissues from the desk he was sitting at before he walked over to Noctis, offering them out to him tentatively. “Is that...what you were so afraid of?”

Ignis swallowed hard as he watched Noctis take the tissues. “...to a certain extent, yes,” he said as he instinctively reached up with the tissue still in his hand to help Noctis wipe his cheeks. 

The anger slowly left Noctis’ eyes, and he couldn’t help but laugh softly after a second. “S-Stop it - it tickles,” he said as he flinched away from Ignis’ touch.

The laughter was music to Ignis’ ears. He felt his heart hammer in his chest as he studied the slight smile on Noctis’ face. “I’m...truly sorry, Noct. I’ll never do anything like that again. And...I still think sharing a bed isn’t the best idea.”

Noctis’ smile fell. “But why?”

“It isn’t...appropriate, after a certain age,” Ignis said, though he wasn’t willing to go any further with his explanation. “I promise I’m not trying to distance myself from you, Noct. This is just something that has to change.”

Noctis was silent in response, and he seemed to be thinking over Ignis’ words before he slowly nodded. “As long as nothing else has to change…okay,” Noctis agreed softly.

Ignis felt as though he was surfacing after being stuck underwater for weeks, the air in his lungs feeling that much more fresh and his legs almost giving out from sheer relief. “Thank the six,” Ignis managed as he pressed a hand into the bed to keep his balance.

“Iggy,” Noctis said, making Ignis’ gaze snap back over to him. “Can I hug you?”

A smile finally tugged at Ignis’ lips. “Of course.”

Ignis leaned in to hug Noctis fully. He wasn’t certain how he had managed to maneuver from giving Noctis up to being able to keep him close, even if not in the same way they had been as children. And as he hugged Noctis close, he could feel him shake with sobs of relief. It took everything Ignis had not to do the same.


	9. Chapter 9

Ignis had decided after he had made up with Noctis that he would become his advisor in spirit, if not in name just yet. He started to take notes about Noctis’ duties as he grew into a prince, he accompanied him to and from school by car, and he often looked over Noctis’ homework and gave him advice on how to improve his work. Noctis didn't always seem to appreciate the criticism, but in Ignis' presence he accepted the words more easily, knowing that his intent was never to personally affront him.

However, waiting for Noctis to board the car often meant Ignis was alone, and Noctis’ schoolmates picked up on the fact that Ignis was a member of his ‘royal entourage’. Girls came to him asking for him to pass on notes and phone numbers, and boys came to him asking for some form of introduction. The notes and numbers were tossed in the trash as soon as Ignis could manage it, and the requests for introductions were politely turned down.

On one occasion, Ignis had spotted a somewhat overweight, blond boy staring after Noctis as he made his way to the car. A slight narrowing of Ignis’ eyes had been enough to scare him away, but he stubbornly shadowed Noctis from time to time, especially in the evenings as school let out. Ignis decided to take a mental note of him just in case he crossed some line, but he otherwise didn’t take further action.

The years passed, and a small, almost imperceptible distance had grown between Ignis and Noctis, even if Ignis had done little more with his free time than attend therapy and serve Noctis in any way he could. If nothing else, Noctis had proven that he was completely capable of wrecking his room even if Ignis was away for just one day. Their late night excursions became few and far between, and Noctis had found a few interests that didn’t include Ignis - namely, playing games at the arcade or fishing - and Ignis’ uncle had encouraged him to find his own hobbies during his down time when Ignis had expressed some unease at being unnecessary for a sizeable portion of Noctis’ day.

“There has to be something,” his uncle had said. “Didn’t you take that cooking course at the Citadel?”

“Well, yes, but it was more for practical purposes,” Ignis said. They were both sitting at his uncle’s kitchen table, eating breakfast before Ignis’ usual school day. He was only a couple years away from graduating, and it was obvious that his uncle was already concerned about his free time. “It’s something I’ve enjoyed since I was a child, but I’ve never been particularly talented at it.”

“It’s not something everyone is magically good at, Iggy,” his uncle said. “I never really cooked until you came to live with me. I always ate at the Citadel. But did I let that stop me?”

Ignis studied his own plate - over easy eggs, wheat toast, and some bacon. Nothing thrilling, but it was a dish he was accustomed to eating. And his uncle was right. The dish tasted a lot better as his uncle had practiced. “Shall I take over making breakfast, then?”

Ignis’ uncle smiled. “Sounds good to me.”

* * *

Ignis cooked for himself and for his uncle for the remainder of that year. A desire stuck in the back of his mind, that he wanted to make something perfect and delicious for Noctis someday, and it kept him sweating at the stovetop nearly every day, trying new recipes and spices that his uncle purchased for him.

He didn’t have a natural talent, that much was clear, but practice was paying off for him in spades. Soon, he felt his breakfast was something that could rival a dish from the Citadel, and he had secretly been working on desserts in his free time. His uncle had joked on more than one occasion that Ignis was fattening him up.

To celebrate Noctis’ first day of high school, Ignis arrived at his door at the Citadel with a tray in one hand, much in the same way as he had seen the staff around the building carry dishes to their destinations. He knocked. Noctis shouted out that he would be right there...and after Ignis had waited for a few minutes, he realized he must have awoken the sleeping prince despite the fact that he should have been up and mostly ready for school by the time that Ignis had arrived.

Noctis hurriedly opened the door as he was pulling on the undershirt for his uniform. “Kinda busy here, Iggy,” Noctis complained as he turned around and moved back to his bed to grab his dress shirt.

“I figured that out on my own,” Ignis said as he stepped into the room. Given that Ignis had cleaned the day before, the room felt refreshingly clean and open. “I made you something. Come sit. I’ve already called the driver so that you don’t have to walk.”

A grin washed over Noctis’ face as he finally spotted the tray as Ignis put it down on his desk. “Did you make breakfast or something?” he asked as he buttoned up his shirt. Ignis temporarily had trouble concentrating on his answer as he watched Noctis, but he brought himself back to reality by focusing on the dish he had made.

“It’s ‘or something’, I’m afraid,” Ignis said with a fond snarkiness as he lifted the lid, revealing a small, chocolate tart, cut out and ready for Noctis to eat, complete with a tiny bit of mint as a garnish. “It isn’t exactly your most nutritious breakfast food, but I’ve been working on the recipe, and I thought that since this is your first day-”

“Yeah, thanks, Specs,” Noctis interrupted as he took a seat in front of his desk, grabbing the fork Ignis had provided and, after knocking the mint garnish off the tart, finally digging into his treat. Ignis let out a put-upon sigh that he didn’t really feel as he watched Noctis nearly inhale the tart within a few minutes.

“I take it that it was satisfactory?” Ignis asked as Noctis wiped his face with a napkin before he darted back over to his bed to grab his blazer.

“It was great, Iggy,” Noctis said as he turned to give him a genuine smile that made Ignis’ heart throb almost painfully. “Reminded me a bit of this...I don’t know what it was. Some pastry from Tenebrae that Luna used to buy for me sometimes.”

The mention of Lady Lunafreya stilled Ignis’ affection and brought up that same, dark feeling of jealousy that he hadn’t been able to shake, even after years of trying. “Is that so?”

“Yeah,” Noctis said as he shrugged on his blazer, glancing down at himself before he realized that he had forgotten his tie. “Damn it. Ignis, find my tie for me? I need to grab my shoes.”

Ignis was put off by the fact that his dessert had summoned memories of Luna instead of summoning up fondness from Noctis that was aimed at _him_ , but he obeyed as he moved to Noctis’ closet to retrieve a tie.

“What sort of pastry was it?” Ignis asked as he offered the tie over to Noctis. “Cake, pie, tart…?”

“Hmm...I don’t know,” Noctis said as he moved to his mirror so that he could put his tie on. “It had this crust all over, and it was sweet and almost fruity. It’s been so long that I can’t remember.”

“Sweet and fruity,” Ignis repeated thoughtfully as he considered what sort of dessert Noctis could be describing. If it was something that had made such a large impact on Noctis, however, part of him wanted to take the dessert as his own. And with that, a decision was made. “I’ll try to see if I can recreate something similar after my classes today. Should I pick you up as always?”

“Nah, I’m going to run by the arcade after school,” Noctis said as he finished with his tie. “You can come over tonight though, if you want.”

Though not entirely satisfied with that answer, Ignis nodded. As long as Noctis needed him, he couldn’t truly complain.

* * *

Ignis almost had a heart-attack when, after Noctis’ first semester, King Regis suggested that Noctis get his own place outside of the Citadel.

“But it isn’t safe,” Ignis protested to his uncle as they walked the halls of the Citadel together. “It’s dangerous enough that the king allows him to attend school in the city. Why would he consider putting him somewhere that the Crownsguard can’t protect him?”

Ignis’ uncle, in a rare show of impatience, let out a deep sigh as he shuffled his suitcase from his left hand to his right. “Ignis, it’s been decided, and his things are already being moved. Do you really believe that I have any potential sway over the decision at this point?”

Ignis looked down, internally feeling abashed by his uncle’s words, even if the emotion didn’t quite show on his face. “Well, I...don’t assume that you could, but I wish to understand the king’s thought process.”

“I could swear that we’ve been over this before.”

“Yes, I know, Noct is the Chosen King,” Ignis said as they both came to a stop in front of the chamber of the royal council. “Shouldn’t that make his security paramount?”

“Prince Noctis will be in a luxury suite, guarded day and night, and both his room and the elevator to his floor will require some manner of security measures,” Ignis’ uncle explained as he looked down at his watch. He was running late already. “Look, Iggy, can we talk about this later?”

“Yes, uncle,” Ignis said as he watched his uncle disappear into the council chamber. It would only be a couple more years until he would be able to join him. If he could better serve Noctis by becoming part of these meetings, the time couldn’t pass more quickly.

* * *

Ignis could tell that his therapist and uncle were beginning to suspect that he wasn’t quite as ‘cured’ from his reactive attachment disorder as they had assumed after a year of treatment. Ignis had done well, for the most part, pretending that he only saw Noctis as a good friend and future king that he would need to guard with his life, but all of this moving out business had forced his mask to drop the slightest bit. The day Noctis officially moved out, Ignis had lingered in his empty room at the Citadel, staring at the bare floors and walls with a hint of listlessness. This was the room he had grown to know Noctis in. This was the room that he had slept in, cuddled up next to Noctis for years. And it was also the room where he had made one of the biggest mistakes of his life by kissing Noctis, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it any longer. Neither had brought up the kiss since they had made up, so he had supposed that there had ultimately been no harm done.

Ignis had been tempted to sit on the floor where Noctis’ bed used to be, wanting to linger on the memories of how close they had been before. Even if he treasured his role as ‘advisor-in-training’, it was only a taste of what he wanted compared to what he had when they were children. When Ignis returned to this room, he knew it would be filled with new, unused furniture for Noctis to use should he decide to return to the Citadel. The thought made him sick.

But he couldn’t linger there forever. He had a plan, after all. There were still the Citadel kitchens to visit, and there was a pastry that he needed to take another crack at. He still hadn’t nailed the crust, let alone the filling, but Noctis had always said that he enjoyed what Ignis had made anyway. The reassurance always made the warmth in his chest grow.

After spending an hour in the kitchens, Ignis made his way for the first time to Noctis’ new apartment. He had already been given clearance and a room key, and although he hated to admit it, his uncle had been right about the level of security at the apartment building. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

As Ignis made his way to Noctis’ front door, he knocked at first, wanting to offer him the option of letting him in before he gave himself permission to unlock the door. After a moment, Noctis opened the door, a slight smile pulling at the corners of his lips at the sight of Ignis. “Oh, hey, Iggy,” Noctis sad as he stepped aside to let Ignis enter. “C’mon in. I have someone that I want to introduce you to.”

Ignis immediately felt that burning sense of unease he felt when he thought of Lunafreya or the girls that gave him their phone numbers for Noctis while he waited to pick him up from school. “Oh?” he said nonchalantly as he offered Noctis the bag of pastries, and Noctis took it somewhat eagerly. “Who is it?”

“Hey, is that your advisor guy?” Ignis heard a younger voice call from the other room, and a blond-haired, blue-eyed familiar face poked his head around the corner into the front hallway. It was that boy. The one from school, that had stared at Noctis from afar too many times. The flame in his chest only felt more stoked by the sight of him, here, in Noctis’ apartment - _before_ Ignis had been given the chance to visit. 

“Yes, I’m...the ‘advisor guy’,” Ignis said evenly as he settled his hand on the doorknob. “If you have company, Noct, I’ll return later. Enjoy the pastries.”

“Iggy?”

“Please excuse me. Both of you, have a good evening.”

Ignis quickly let himself out, and he hurried down the hallway to the elevator just in case Noctis decided to follow. He didn’t want to expose Noctis to the ugliness that he was feeling. Noctis didn’t deserve that. Not on a day that was likely to be important for him. Ignis felt his stomach churn as he made his way down the elevator. All of that opened up the question of what he was to Noctis - he had been the person who cared for him, who knew everything about him, who had bent over backwards for years just to keep his living space open and clean…

...maybe Noctis did deserve a conversation. Steeling himself, Ignis let out a breath as he exited the elevator. What was clear was that this couldn’t continue. He couldn’t keep running from Noctis when this feeling appeared. 

By the time Ignis arrived home, he had resolved himself to what he was sure to be an uncomfortable conversation. He typed a text message out to Noctis to invite him over once his friend left. Noctis asked what was wrong, but he didn’t reply. There would be plenty of time to explain himself later.


	10. Chapter 10

"Why did you leave?" Noctis asked as he sat down on his new couch, sitting opposite to Ignis with cups of hot cocoa steaming between them on the coffee table. After Prompto had left, Ignis had come over in a hurry, bringing along the sweet drinks in an effort to win over Noctis’ undoubtedly conflicted emotions.

“I had some matters to attend to, and it didn’t make sense to intrude on your fun,” Ignis said. It was another half-truth he was giving Noctis. It seemed his promise that he had made to himself not to lie to Noctis wasn’t going as well as he’d hoped.

“I wanted both of you to meet,” Noctis said, clearly not convinced. While Ignis would never accuse Noctis of being a brat, there was a part of him that had noticed that usually Noctis got what he wanted when it came to anything except his father’s attentions and anything that could put him in danger. Having two friends meet seemed small enough that Noctis seemed fine being petulant about the whole affair. Ignis almost found it cute. “You couldn’t have hung around five minutes?”

“Apologies,” Ignis said, and he meant it. Picking up his cup of cocoa, he blew away the steam before taking a drink. It burned his tongue a little, but not enough for him to care. “I’m sure there will be other opportunities.”

“...why do I feel like you’re not telling me everything?” Noctis asked, his blue eyes softly imploring as he crossed his arms over his belly. He still hadn’t touched his hot cocoa.

Ignis frowned, and he drew the burn on his tongue against his teeth in an attempt to soothe the ache as he considered how to approach the situation. “...because I haven’t,” Ignis admitted as he gazed over at Noctis pensively. There wasn’t much more he could do if he planned to continue being honest with Noctis, and he knew that he was risking their friendship and his position for nothing more than clarity. But Noctis had a right to know. He was old enough now. “Noct...before I met you, I felt very little. There was little that I enjoyed. At the time, I had just assumed that was what life was like, but...when you called my name the first time, everything changed.”

The sudden seriousness seemed to shake Noctis a bit, and he swallowed as he nodded slightly for Ignis to continue.

“It must have been four or five years ago now, but...do you remember when I asked that we not sleep together any longer?” Ignis asked, which earned him another nod coupled with reddened cheeks. “I had a reason. I...also had a reason for kissing you. I trust that you can extrapolate from there.”

Noctis inhaled sharply, the bomb Ignis had thrown in his lap clearly affecting him, but Ignis wasn’t sure in what way yet.

“So, you…” Noctis trailed off as he reached up to scratch at the back of his head nervously. “You wanted to kiss me.”

“Very much.”

“But you ran.”

“You were only ten,” Ignis reminded gently. “Yes, I was just twelve at the time, but it still felt inappropriate.”

“...I didn’t think it was,” Noctis said, his face warming further. “I remember asking for more.”

“And...I couldn’t,” Ignis said, steeling himself for the next bomb he had to drop. “And I still can’t.”

“You...wait, what?” Noctis asked, a hint of disbelief and hurt in his eyes. “Isn’t this supposed to be a confession or something?”

“You could call it that, but it’s also an explanation as to why my feelings cannot go anywhere,” Ignis explained evenly. He had convinced himself long ago that nothing could come from how he felt, even if the jealous, possessive emotion inside him told him differently, but it had yet to win out. “I’m your advisor, and for some time, I’ve been something of a caretaker to you. I couldn’t stand it if King Regis or...anyone else believed that I was taking advantage of my position this whole time.”

“...that’s all? You’re worried dad would be upset?” Noctis asked, a laugh in his tone. “C’mon. That’s not a great reason.”

“And if I pursued a relationship with you, what would occur when you needed an heir?” Ignis asked pointedly. “You would need someone to carry your child. And as progressive as Insomnia may be, I sincerely doubt they would accept a king who didn’t marry a queen.”

“Wait, wait,” Noctis said as he raised a hand to stop Ignis’ hypothetical questions. “Isn’t that getting a little ahead of ourselves?”

“You’re a prince. So, no.”’

Noctis was silent for a moment before he spoke again. “And...what does all of this have to do with Prompto?”

“I’ve seen him before. I don’t like the way he looks at you.”

Ignis watched Noctis’ Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, heat clearly making its way across his face again. “So, you were jealous…?”

“Yes.”

“But you don’t want to be with me.”

“I do. But I can’t.”

Noctis’ brow furrowed in what appeared to be annoyance. “And I don’t get a choice?”

“It would...make me happy if you returned my feelings, but it would do neither of us favors to indulge in them.”

Noctis sat in a stunned silence for a few, too long moments. Ignis felt his chest burn as he saw Noctis seem to go from hurt, to angry, then finally, to resigned.

“...what happens when I do have to marry someone?” Noctis asked as he cautiously looked up at Ignis. “How am I supposed to forget how I feel?”

“I...can’t answer that,” Ignis admitted, the clear defeat in Noctis’ tone breaking his heart. It was one thing stopping himself from indulging in his feelings, but knowing that Noctis would have reciprocated if he had tried…

“Well, I...what am I supposed to do, Iggy?”

“...I’m so very sorry, Noct,” Ignis said, his heart throbbing painfully in his chest as he offered a hand out to Noctis. Noctis took it almost too fast, squeezing it tightly.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Noctis sniped. Ignis couldn’t blame him for not believing him.

“Look, Noct...how about this?” Ignis started as he brushed his thumb along the back of Noctis’ soft hand. “After you graduate, we’ll...revisit this topic. If nothing has changed, then…”

Hope seemed to light up in Noctis’ blue eyes. “...then we can be together?”

“...perhaps. I did say revisit.”

Noctis let out a somewhat bemused breath before he stood up. “Fine,” he said as he tugged on Ignis’ arm, offering him a faint smile. “Let me walk you out. I still have a lot to unpack.”

Ignis stood, keeping his hot cocoa in his free hand. “I can assist, if you’d like.”

“No, I...would like some time alone.”

Ignis nodded in understanding as they walked, hand in hand, to Noctis’ front door. Ignis put his shoes on once they reached the front hall, and he looked back at Noctis once he was finished. They both gazed into each other’s eyes, both of them feeling like two magnets with the same pole repelling each other, never to touch no matter how much they wanted it.

“I’ll see you soon,” Ignis finally said as he opened the door.

“Yeah,” Noctis agreed as he watched Ignis walk out. Ignis felt both giddy and heartbroken on the elevator ride down, but he knew he was doing the right thing. He just wished the right thing wasn’t so damn hard to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly short chapter, but an important one.
> 
> I wanted to let my readers know that I recently dislocated and fractured my elbow while on a family trip, so typing is a painful endeavor. As a result, updates will be uncommon for the next couple weeks while I recover. I want to thank you all for your patience and for all of your kind comments!


	11. Chapter 11

Ignis spent the next day acquainting himself with Noctis’ new apartment. There were leftover plates to be cleaned and cans to be recycled after Noctis and Prompto’s evening together, the thought of which still made Ignis feel a sick burning in his stomach. They hadn’t really discussed what Prompto meant to Noctis, but hearing that Noctis returned his feelings had been enough for Ignis - for the moment.

After cleaning was done, Ignis focused on making sure that the kitchen was fully stocked with things he would need to make Noctis meals. The idea of being able to cook for him while Noctis waited, smelling the scent of his favorite dishes coming from the kitchen while he did homework or played games brought a warm smile to Ignis’ face. It was a spot of light in their frustrating situation. Ignis wished, not for the first time, that Noctis wasn’t a prince. As much as he adored being able to be his advisor, he would give anything to take away the pain and responsibility that came with the role, to say nothing of how it had affected their chances for a romantic relationship…

Ignis snapped out of his thoughts when he realized that, somehow, Noctis hadn’t been provided with any silverware. Letting out a frustrated breath, Ignis glanced through each of the cupboards and under the stove for supplies. By the end, he knew that he needed to buy Noctis silverware, more plates, and a larger variety of pots and pans.

By the time Ignis was done, Noctis was returning home from school - alone, fortunately - and Ignis felt his heart beat in double time as he approached the front door to greet him.

“Ignis?” Noctis said, some surprise in his blue eyes, but he looked away too quickly, yesterday’s conversation clearly still on his mind. He set his bag down onto the running cabinet near the front door before loosening his tie. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

“Apologies,” Ignis said as he stepped closer to Noctis, his gaze moving to his uniform. Noctis had clearly just tossed it on the floor between the last time he wore it and now. “I had some things I needed to check on. The state of your kitchen is embarrassing.”

“For me or for you?” Noctis joked half-heartedly as he started to shrug off his blazer. Ignis then held a hand out to him, and he eyed it suspiciously. “What?”

“I’ll take that,” Ignis said as he lightly pulled Noctis’ blazer from his grasp, their hands unintentionally touching and making warmth spread through his chest. “Your clothes are wrinkled.”

“...oh,” Noctis said a moment too late, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “I’m not undressing here, so...give me a minute.”

Noctis then brushed past Ignis, seemingly intentionally, to disappear into his bedroom. Ignis felt his heart ache at the fact that Noctis was clearly hurting, but his resolve remained intact. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that even after Noctis graduated, he doubted that they had a chance. But...he couldn’t take away that shred of hope yet.

“So, what’s missing?” Noctis called behind himself as he entered his room and shut his door. Ignis stepped next to it, his arms folded over his chest with Noctis’ blazer in his right hand.

“Silverware, plates that aren’t meant for a child, and you’re missing several types of saucepans and baking trays that I need if I’m to prepare dinners for you,” Ignis said as he glanced back to the kitchen. “A rice cooker wouldn’t be a bad idea, either.”

“You’re buying all that?” Noctis said, his voice coming through more clearly through the door. Ignis assumed that he must have stepped closer.

“Yes,” Ignis said as he brushed his thumb along the collar of Noctis’ blazer thoughtfully. “Uncle will have me reimbursed if necessary. I make a wage from the Citadel that should suffice.”

“...you get paid to hang out with me now?” Noctis asked, the accusatory nature of his question making his tone more sharp.

“I’m your advisor, Noct,” Ignis said as he brushed away one of Noctis’ stray hairs from the fabric. “It was going to happen eventually. I need to live my own life as well.”

“...yeah, I got that yesterday,” Noctis said, his voice carrying in a way that made it clear to Ignis he had stepped away from the door. “Is that another reason why?”

Ignis refused to lie. “It’s an aspect of it, though it isn’t precisely what is stopping me,” he admitted. “Imagine the talk if someone in your employ, someone who cared for your well being from childhood suddenly...changed the nature of their relationship with you. Who wouldn’t be suspicious of ulterior motives?”

“You know, Iggy, I don’t remember when you got so concerned about what other people thought,” Noctis said. “But I wish you would stop.”

“You realize that these ‘other people’ include the king. I would go mad if he were to think that I was taking advantage of you,” Ignis admitted. “I could very well be removed not only from my post, but from your side completely.”

Noctis was silent for a few long moments. Ignis couldn’t tell if he was changing or if he was just thinking over his words until he finally spoke. “...good point,” Noctis relented, his tone sounding dejected. Ignis felt his heart break all over again. “I won’t bring it up anymore.”

“...I beg that you continue to speak your mind,” Ignis said as he rested a hand onto the door. “I hope that...you realize that all of this means that staying at your side is more important to me than engaging in a physical relationship. That’s simply all there is to it.”

“I get it, I get it,” Noctis said as he opened the door suddenly, forcing Ignis to withdraw his hand quickly in slight embarrassment. Noctis was dressed in a more casual t-shirt and jeans, and he offered Ignis the rest of his uniform without argument. “Here.”

“...thank you, Noct,” Ignis said as he took the clothing, which had been bundled into a ball rather than folded, but he let his hand linger over Noctis’, gripping it gently before he had the chance to let go.

“I truly am sorry, Noct,” Ignis said, trying with all his might to show in his tone that he really meant it. He couldn’t know if Noctis could tell. “As I said...after high school, we’ll revisit the idea.”

Noctis swallowed before he looked up into Ignis’ eyes. Ignis felt captivated by the innocence and pure, obvious affection in Noctis’ blue eyes, and when Noctis squeezed his hand back, he almost lost his nerve. He did find it in him to resist, however, and Ignis was the first to look away as he took the bundle of clothes and released Noctis’ hand without another word.

* * *

The days went on like that, with that uncomfortable, heavy emotion sitting between Ignis and Noctis whenever they were together. Ignis didn’t come anywhere close to giving in as he almost had the day after their talk, but he was thrown when, one day, Noctis decided that Ignis and Prompto needed to meet. 

“You both are my friends,” Noctis had said insistently. “Can’t you try to get along?”

Ignis hadn’t been able to say no. And so, the three of them had decided to get dinner at a diner one evening. Ignis and Noctis had arrived early, and they had gotten a booth when it was clear Prompto hadn’t shown up yet. Ignis sat across from Noctis as they discussed Noctis’ day at school and a teacher that Noctis hated. It was around then that young, almost boyish voice came from behind Ignis to interrupt.

“Oh, are you guys talking about Mr. Malus?” Prompto said as Noctis scooted over to let him take a seat next to him. Ignis didn’t like their close proximity, but after reasoning that Prompto would probably not enjoy sitting next to a stranger, he decided to allow it. “That guy is such a jerk. Would you believe he wouldn’t let me retake that quiz last week?”

“Yeah, he seems to hate Prompto too,” Noctis said as he rested his back against the wall, facing both Ignis and Prompto. “Ignis, this is Prompto. Prompto, Ignis.”

“Wait, I thought you called him Iggy,” Prompto said as he reached out to shake Ignis hand. Ignis took the courtesy without giving in to squeezing Prompto’s hand too tightly. “Nice to meet you, Ignis.”

“Likewise,” Ignis said as he withdrew his hand. “I understand you two met at the beginning of the semester.”

Prompto and Noctis shared a glance before a smile broke over Prompto’s face. “Yeah, well, we’ve been going to the same school for a while,” Prompto said as he leaned back against the booth seat. “I just...was pretty shy until this year.”

“Was that it?” Noctis teased. Ignis realized in that moment that he hadn’t truly been around anyone with Noctis that around was his age. It was...strange, to say the least, to see Noctis act like he often did when he and Ignis were alone. He didn’t like it.

“ _Yeah_ , that’s it,” Prompto volleyed back as he lightly shoved Noctis’ shoulder in retaliation. Ignis _really_ didn’t like that. “So, Iggy, how long have you known Noct?”

“...since we were children,” Ignis said evenly. The words were almost a mark of possession, and one that Noctis clearly noticed by the way he looked at Ignis. “Before he started school.”

“...oh, that’s cool,” Prompto said a little awkwardly. “Man, did you guys order yet? I’m starving.”

The dinner went on, with Prompto and Noctis talking and Ignis offering very little except when prompted. By the end, he decided that Prompto was most likely harmless, but he still didn’t quite like how...familiar he acted with the both of them.

Towards the end of dinner, Ignis excused himself to go to the restroom. As he walked away, he heard Prompto say, “Dude, I think your advisor hates me.” He could then hear Noctis laugh, but he didn’t hear what he said in response. And even if it wasn’t true, Ignis was okay letting Prompto believe it for now. Perhaps it would help him behave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still recovering, but I have a surprise for those who did not see it yesterday. I started a [side-story with Noctis' perspective](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11401815/chapters/25537563) through some of the scenes in this story. Presently, there's only just a chapter mirroring chapter 10, since it was an important chapter, and it allowed me to work with content I'd written already since I'm still down one arm. I hope everyone enjoys it! <3 Please let me know if you have any requests for past or future chapters that you want through Noctis' perspective.
> 
> I also am working on an [IgNoct tumblr](http://fishandspecs.tumblr.com) since I haven't been able to write as much. I want to thank you all again for your support and your kind words!


	12. Chapter 12

The next day, just hours before his appointment with his therapist, Ignis had gotten a call from an unknown number. After checking his messages, he determined that the caller had been Prompto, and that he had been given an overly energetic message about wanting to hang out and talk. It was the last thing Ignis wanted, especially with therapy looming over his afternoon, but he had reluctantly called Prompto back and agreed to his offer.

“And you’re nervous about this?” Ignis’ therapist said after he had told her why he wasn’t feeling himself. She tapped the back of her pen against her desk in a steady, thoughtful rhythm.

“Not nervous,” Ignis corrected as he resettled himself in his chair. “Just...uncomfortable.”

“Does this have something to do with the prince?”

“No,” Ignis lied easily. It had become easier over the years to lie about Noctis. He sometimes wondered if his uncle even remembered his so-called ‘unhealthy obsession’. Unhealthy was the last word Ignis had for it. “I...simply haven’t spent my time casually with anyone else but Noct. I don’t know what his expectations are.”

“Maybe lunch? A movie?” his therapist offered.

“He said something about coming to my place,” Ignis said as he picked at a piece of string coming off of his trousers. He would have to remove it later, but the sight was distracting now. “I believe he intends on getting to know me better.”

“That’s a good thing, Ignis,” Ignis’ therapist said as she turned her pen around and begin making a note. Ignis thought, with some amusement, that he would have given anything to be able to look at the things she wrote sometimes. “Are you afraid of letting him get to know you?”

“Of course not,” Ignis said, perhaps a little too quickly. His therapist arched an eyebrow that told him he had given himself away just a bit. “How would you feel if a perfect stranger invited themselves to your home?”

“He doesn’t sound like a stranger any longer, since you’ve dined with him,” she said as she set her pen down. “Give it a chance, Ignis. Perhaps you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Not likely. But Ignis didn’t see a way out of it.

“Could we move on to today’s exercise?” Ignis changed the subject. Through the past several years, his therapist had taught him various breathing techniques to assist him in moments of extreme stress or anxiety. She brightened up a bit at Ignis’ apparent eagerness, and she nodded as she turned in order to dim the lights.

“Very good,” Ignis’ therapist said as she took on her soft voice that was meant to be calming. “Deep breath in to eight counts, hold it, and then…”

* * *

After dinner that night, Ignis worked on another set of pastries for Noctis with the intention of visiting him after his time with Prompto was over. Keeping his upcoming guest in mind, Ignis had made two extra pastries and set them out along with a dessert fork for each of them, and he had just fetched one of his uncle’s canned coffees from the refrigerator when he heard the doorbell.

“Who could that be?” Ignis’ uncle called out as he began to exit his office, but Ignis raised a hand to stop him.

“I have a...friend coming to visit,” Ignis said, cursing himself internally for forgetting to tell his uncle. But from the pleasantly surprised look on his uncle’s face, he decided that he had somehow played this correctly.

His uncle had given Ignis some words of encouragement that he didn’t really listen to before disappearing back into his office. Coffee can in hand, Ignis made his way to the front door, opening it up and allowing Prompto to step in. “Prompto, thank you for coming,” he greeted. “Are you thirsty?”

Prompto seemed distracted by the scent of the pastries filling the room, and he blinked once before he spoke. “Iggy, hi,” he said. “I, uh...sure. What do you got?”

Ignis then led Prompto into his kitchen. His first glance at Prompto in the doorway had led him to believe Prompto was on a mission of some sort, but he had clearly been taken aback by the smell of sweets and Ignis’ cordial demeanor. After selecting a soda from the fridge, Ignis took Prompto to the dining room where the pastries were settled, and he took a seat across from him, setting down his coffee as he sat. 

“Your place is crazy nice,” Prompto said, clear awe in his eyes as he sat down and glanced about before he looked down at the pastry sitting in front of him.

“Thank you,” Ignis said as he opened up his coffee can, taking a long drink from it before he set it down onto a drink coaster. “Please help yourself.”

Prompto looked hesitant at first, almost leading Ignis to ask if the pastry looked unappetizing before he gave in, picking up the dessert fork and cutting into it.

“Did you make this?” Prompto asked as he took a bite, his expression lighting up a bit at the taste. “Mm, yeah, this had to be yours. Noct shared some stuff you made with me before that was just like this.”

“Is that so?” Ignis asked, a mixture of pride and jealousy lingering beneath his words. “I didn’t realize he shared.”

“It was just once, at school,” Prompto said just after he swallowed another mouthful. “Seriously, man. If you ever wanted a new job, you could bake with the best of them.”

“I’m quite happy with my job, but thank you,” Ignis said as he cut a small piece of the crust off his pastry, taking a quick bite.

“Yeah, I bet,” Prompto teased before seemingly remembering himself, and his pale cheeks flushed a little before he shook his head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“...it’s...nothing,” Ignis said with clear hesitation. Just what did Prompto know exactly? “Can I ask why you wanted to meet?”

“Oh, yeah, uh, sure,” Prompto said a little nervously as he put down his dessert fork. “I just...wanted to touch base, y’know? You seemed a little out of it the other day, then there was that time at Noct’s apartment…”

Noct. Ignis hated hearing that nickname out of anyone else’s mouth, but he supposed he would have to get used to it. “It isn’t anything you’ve done wrong,” Ignis said succinctly without offering much else. “I apologize if I seemed rude.”

“Hey, don’t go all formal on me,” Prompto said with a slight laugh. “I don’t know how to speak Citadel. You can just...be yourself.”

Ignis arched his brow at Prompto incredulously. “I am.”

A silence followed, and Prompto compulsively dug into his pastry for a brief moment before he continued. “Look, um...Iggy. Noct told me about what happened.”

Ignis instantly felt alarm that someone else _knew_ what was going on with him and Noctis, but after reasoning with himself that Prompto must be Noctis' closest friend his age, the slight anger he felt towards Noctis started to abate. “...I suppose it would only make sense that he would,” Ignis said evenly. Judging by the lack of fear of Prompto’s face, he figured he must have succeeded at not showing his internal battle too much on his expression. “Why do you bring it up?”

“Because...I want us to be friends,” Prompto said honestly, this time putting down his fork for good. He then settled his hands on the table. “Noct’s the only friend I’ve ever had, and...from what he tells me, I think you and I have some things in common.”

“...like what, exactly?” Ignis said carefully. He hadn’t been expecting that response.

“I, um...back in grade school, I was left alone a lot, and...even when my parents were around, I didn’t talk to them much,” Prompto admitted. Ignis felt surprise wash over his features despite himself - he hadn’t been expecting Prompto to allude to his social and mental concerns, or...was he referring to his former relationship with his parents? “I go to some shrink and talk about stuff, but...it doesn’t always help. Since we’re both close to Noct, I figured...maybe we can talk sometimes?”

Ignis was floored, and he was completely unable to hide just how much Prompto’s words had affected him. Setting down his fork, Ignis looked away from Prompto, processing his words and their situation. It would be unreasonable to turn him down, but even so...part of Ignis actually felt that it might be a relief to talk to someone who not only understood, but also knew his situation with Noctis inside and out. But then there was still one thing.

“I...believe that would be nice,” Ignis admitted finally as he settled his hands into his lap. “I actually just completed a mindfulness lesson with my therapist this afternoon.”

“Oh! Does that stuff help you?"

“...sometimes,” Ignis admitted as he idly ran his thumb along the material of his trousers. The string from earlier was still there. He tugged at it compulsively, but not noticeably. How could he have forgotten to cut it off? “However...there is one thing that I need to establish before we continue.”

“Shoot.”

“Well…” Ignis started before he decided to just come out with it. “Do you have feelings for Noct?”

Prompto’s expression broke before he started to laugh. “Dude, I...yeah, he’s a handsome guy or whatever, but I’m not into him like that,” he said, a hint of playfulness in his tone. “Not my type. I like them tall and...girl shaped.”

Ignis couldn’t hold back a laugh in return. “‘Girl shaped’? That’s...a new one.”

Prompto was smiling from ear to ear. Ignis supposed he must have felt accomplished at making him laugh. “Yeah, well, not all of us are into princes,” he said a little too smugly. “I’m totally into your cooking, though. I might marry it if you keep this up.”

Ignis felt the imaginary threat of Prompto slip away. And as they continued to dine, talk, and laugh together, it felt good to have someone new to talk to. That night, after Prompto had left, Ignis’ uncle passed Ignis in the hallway and just gave him a big smile without saying a word. That was annoying. But Ignis supposed he had earned it.


	13. Chapter 13

Noctis’ room at the Citadel had always been a mess, but Ignis had noticed that Noctis had entirely lost his remaining restraint over himself after a few months of living on his own. While Ignis visited nearly every day, Noctis always managed to leave his room in enough disarray that, after months of cleaning up trash, laundry, dishes, and empty soda cans, Ignis was beginning to wonder if the growing chaos had a source.

One evening, while doing Noctis’ dishes, Ignis decided that he should consider broaching the subject. Noctis was across the room, laying back on the couch in his school uniform with a comic book in his hands.They had both eaten dinner together, and Ignis had watched and partially assisted Noctis as he complete his homework. Though Ignis had a lot to say about Noctis’ self-care, he was still secretly proud of how hard he worked to maintain his grades.

“Noct,” Ignis said as he focused on drying their dinner plates. “A word?” 

“Mm?” Noctis hummed as he flipped to the next page. “What’s up, Iggy?”

“Your full attention, please.”

Noctis gave Ignis a somewhat confused look before he let out a sigh, shutting his book and sitting up. “Yeah?”

Ignis was silent for a moment as he considered which tack to take with his question. “I don’t want you to think that I’m becoming annoyed or overworked, but I am a bit concerned,” Ignis said as he settled his gaze on Noctis. When he saw a trace amount of fear in Noctis’ blue eyes, he immediately continued to explain himself. “It’s only your habit of leaving trash around, that’s all. It isn’t anything new, but since you moved…”

Silence and tension filled the atmosphere between them. Noctis was fiddling a bit with the pages of his comic when he spoke. “I, uh...never really thought about it.”

Ignis’ brow raised a little in surprise. “Never?”

“I guess not. I mean, you always cleaned for me. Even back home.”

“And do you think I do it out of some deep love for disposing of snack wrappers?”

Noctis’ lips tugged into a reluctant smile. “It must drive you crazy, huh?”

“Crazy isn’t the right word,” Ignis said as he put the last of the dried dishes way. “My patience may have been tested on some occasions, but I’ve never considered it a burden.”

“...why not?” Noctis asked as he scratched the back of his head a little self-consciously. “I don’t think I could do it if I were you. I would’ve…probably given up on me a long time ago.”

Some measure of understanding hit Ignis. Noctis felt undeserving of the care Ignis gave him. He reasoned then, that perhaps he must have been seeking it out on some unconscious level. The thought gave him pause, and he only spoke up again after he had washed and dried his hands. “Noct, I never gave up on you because...I care for your well-being. I want you to be in a clean, safe environment at all times.”

“But...as my advisor, right?”

Ignis felt a sharp pain in his chest at the question. “...no, of course not,” he said as he stepped away from the kitchen, taking a few paces towards the couch. “I’ve done it since we were children, remember?”

“Yeah, but…”

“Noct,” Ignis said as he took a seat next to Noctis, his hand moving to gently grip Noctis’ forearm. “Even if I wasn’t drawing a salary, even if I wasn’t following in my Uncle’s footsteps, and even if I had no intention of being a member of the Crownsguard...I would still do this.”

Noctis swallowed, his posturing tense, even if Ignis could sense some level of relief in his blue eyes. “Really?”

“Of course,” Ignis said. “We’ve...discussed this, in some fashion. You should know why.”

A beat of silence passed as Noctis reached up to gently cover Ignis’ hand with his own. “It’s...nice to hear it, sometimes.”

“I’ve always felt actions speak louder than words,” Ignis said he squeezed Noctis’ arm gently. “Especially between us.”

A more genuine smile spread across Noctis’ lips. The sight of it made Ignis’ chest ache in an altogether different way. “...then...maybe you can make us some of those tarts tomorrow?”

The question was enough to make Noctis’ smile contagious. “As you wish, Noct.”

There was still the uncertainty in the air, the one that made Ignis question if Noctis was truly all right. His self-doubt and his messiness seemed to point to something deeper, but Ignis decided to let it go for the time being. If he had learned anything from therapy, it was that people worked through their problems in their own time. When Noctis was ready to talk about it, Ignis would be there.

* * *

“You look like you’re in pain when you do that,” Noctis said one day a few weeks later as he watched Ignis chopping up some parsley. “The way your hand flexes after...it doesn’t look quite right.”

Ignis looked over at Noctis in surprise at his observation. Naturally, his hands had begun feeling somewhat sore after all of his work at the Citadel, training with the daggers he had taken a shine to with Gladiolus, and cooking both for himself and for Noctis nearly every day. Ignis shrugged off the concern as he set the knife aside. “It’s nothing to be concerned about.”

Noctis tilted his head a little in a thoughtful way. “Gladio never gave you that stuff?”

“I’m afraid that I’m unfamiliar with ‘that stuff’,” Ignis said as he focused on settling the parsley aside in a small bowl.

“I forget what it’s called. Something...fortifier,” Noctis said as he stepped away from the kitchen. “I’ll go get some of mine.”

Ignis watched as Noctis disappeared into his bathroom for a short time, the sound of bottles rattling around carrying all the way to the kitchen.

Dinner wasn’t anything particularly exciting, just a chicken and rice dish that Noctis adored, and Ignis didn’t see any evidence that Noctis had found what he was looking for until after they had finished eating and he had finished cleaning and putting away the dishes.

“Come here,” Noctis said as he pulled a small container from his pocket. Ignis gave him a suspicious look, but he followed Noctis to the couch regardless. Noctis sat down beside him, opening up the container. It smelled of menthol.

“Is this...the ‘stuff’ that Gladio provided for you?” Ignis asked as he watched Noctis take a dollop into his hands before rubbing them together.

“Yeah, for my knee,” Noctis said as he started to take Ignis’ hand, though he did hesitate, gazing up into Ignis’ eyes, looking for silent permission to continue. Ignis swallowed, and he gave a slight nod, relief flooding Noctis’ expression as he took Ignis’ right hand. “Trust me; it helps.”

Ignis wanted to say that he trusted Noctis, but his focus was inexorably drawn to the way Noctis began to massage his hand, his thumbs pressing into his palm in slow circles before he spread the tingling cream against the webs between his fingers, focusing then on each individual knuckle and joint. At one point, as the tension in his fingers eased, Ignis couldn’t hold back a soft hum of relief, the sound making Noctis’ face turn a little red.

“Is that...good?” Noctis asked before he gathered another handful of the cream, turning his attention to Ignis’ other hand.

“...very,” Ignis said honestly. The fact that Noctis had noticed his discomfort and was doing this much to relieve it made his heart pound, though he could barely focus beyond the firm but careful touch of Noctis’ fingers to his own.

“There,” Noctis said once he was finished, and he gave Ignis a smile as he reached out to take both of Ignis’ hands in his own, squeezing them gently. “I hope that helps.”

Ignis’ gaze was helplessly drawn to Noctis’ in that moment. All of his promises to himself, that he wouldn’t dare cross any line with Noctis for fear of losing his place beside him seemed almost inconsequential. Noctis’ blue eyes drew him in, silently asking for permission again. For what, Ignis wasn’t quite sure.

“I appreciate your kindness,” Ignis said as he squeezed Noctis’ hands in return. “It means a great deal to me.”

“Anytime, Iggy,” Noctis said fondly as he rubbed his thumbs along the side of Ignis’ hands. “You do so much for me...it feels nice to give back a little.”

Ignis could feel himself smile, his chest filling with warmth. The barrier that had grown between them with time and with the weight of their previous confessions was beginning to deteriorate palpably, and Noctis leaned close, gently resting his forehead against Ignis’.

“...Noct?” Ignis said questioningly, a conflicted emotion evident in his voice. Noctis was so close that their noses were touching, the feeling drawing away Ignis’ breath. “I had...thought that…”

“...just once?” Noctis voiced what he was desperate for permission for. “Please, Iggy.”

Despite himself and despite his better judgment, Ignis found himself nodding his assent, his throat going dry as he tried to swallow around the swell of nervousness that washed over him. Noctis gratefully gave Ignis’ hand a squeeze as he timidly tilted his head, pressing his soft lips to Ignis’. Time stood still at first, then Ignis started to respond, their mutual inexperience making the affection somewhat stilted and uncertain. Noctis pulled back, embarrassment evident in his blue eyes, but Ignis followed after him, kissing his lips soundly and with a firmer resolve. 

The room was nearly silent, save for the sound of their kisses as they learned from each other, neither of them stopping until they found the right pressure, until each kiss felt perfect. The heat building between them was beginning to be too much for Ignis, and he reluctantly pulled back, his hand releasing Noctis’ as he gently cupped his cheek.

“Noct,” Ignis murmured softly, the gentle desire in Noctis’ eyes drawing him in, though he exercised his restraint when he finally could get ahold of it. “We can’t...make this a habit.”

Noctis shook his head, his gaze lowering. “I know. I just...wanted to forget who we were for a little bit.”

“I’m...fairly certain that we did,” Ignis said as he exhaled some of the tension Noctis’ kisses had summoned within him. “I wish that we could from time to time, but...I couldn’t stand the sort of pain it would put you through to pursue this when you one day have to let it go for the sake of the kingdom. That’s even putting aside if King Regis was to find-”

“I know,” Noctis said as he gave Ignis’ hand a final squeeze before he let go. “I get it, okay? I hate it, but...I know that you’re trying to protect me.”

“I’m glad that you understand,” Ignis said as he withdrew his hand from Noctis’ cheek. “Get some rest, Noct. It’s getting late.”

Noctis bit his lip, clearly wanting to say something, but Ignis shook his head as he reluctantly climbed off the couch onto somewhat unsteady feet.

“You’ll still come over tomorrow, right?” Noctis asked, unable to hide the slight amount of apprehension he felt from his voice. Ignis knew Noctis was just as nervous about what they had done as he was.

“Nothing’s changed,” Ignis said resolutely, and he wanted to mean it. 

But even as Ignis made his way home that night, he could tell that his words had been a lie. The world around him seemed to glow a different hue. The night air felt more crisp and refreshing. His heart was still pounding, even as he prepared for bed that night. Deep down, he knew that something had changed. Defining what it was could come later. All that mattered to him that night was the comfort of his bed, the softness of his blankets, and the heat of the memory of Noctis’ lips on his own. Nothing else mattered. Nothing.


	14. Chapter 14

“Ignis?”

“Yes, Uncle?”

“You’re up early, even for you,” Ignis’ uncle paused, a slight frown tugging at his lips as he studied Ignis, who was hard at work on breakfast. “Isn’t today a day off?”

“Yes, Uncle,” Ignis said as he plated the eggs he had been working on before he moved on to the rice cooker. “I have an early appointment with my therapist, then Prince Noctis needs some assistance with his upcoming finals.”

Ignis could sense the bounce in his step. He was certain that his uncle must sense it too, otherwise he wouldn’t have been scrutinizing him so hard. After a moment, Ignis’ uncle decided to drop it. Ignis was relieved, but he reined in on himself for the remainder of breakfast. If his uncle was struggling with his outward show of emotion, he shuddered to think what his therapist would say.

* * *

“Something seems...different today,” Ignis’ therapist said a few minutes into their meeting. Ignis glanced away tellingly with an exhale. Was he really becoming so transparent?

“Nothing has changed,” Ignis insisted as he reached up to adjust his glasses. “However, I’ve...perhaps come to terms with a few things.”

“Such as?”

Ignis reluctantly turned his gaze back to his therapist. He sorely didn’t want to discuss this. “My role, as advisor to the future king. It was always the plan, and I’ve been prepared for it, but...more recently, the reality of it has become more tangible.”

Letting out a thoughtful hum, Ignis’ therapist let her pen tap gently against the paperwork on her desk - not enough to make a sound, but enough to draw Ignis’ attention away. “Is there something in particular that triggered this change?”

“Well...I suppose that Prince Noctis’ move has altered our dynamic somewhat.”

“How so?”

“I feel more like a butler than ever.”

Ignis’ therapist laughed a little, thinking Ignis’ words an exaggeration. When Ignis’ expression didn’t change, she stopped, an apologetic look entering her eyes. “I’m sorry, I thought that you were kidding,” she said with concern. “Why do you feel that way?”

“That habitat of his is tumultuous on the best of days, but it’s growing worse week by week.”

“I see. And you’re concerned about this change?”

“Very much so,” Ignis said, a sense of gratitude hitting him that he not only had managed to dodge the primary concern at hand, but he had also been able to discuss something that had sorely bothered him. “I’m afraid...that his responsibilities are compounding, and the reality of  
 _his_ own position is beginning to sink in.”

“Well then, you’re fortunate to have each other. Surely Prince Noctis needs someone that understands during this vulnerable time.”

Vulnerable time. Ignis frowned at that. “Perhaps.”

“And is there anything else about it that concerns you?

“Yes,” Ignis said immediately, almost without thought. “I feel as though there’s this...darkness within him, that haunts him. When we were children, he often would tell me of his nightmares, and I’m wondering if...the monsters are growing more real to him, now that he is outside of the Citadel.”

She stopped tapping her pen then. “In short, you believe that he’s depressed?”

“That’s the short of it, yes.”

A beat of silence passed as Ignis’ therapist processed Ignis’ concern. “Have you spoken to him about it?”

“In a fashion. From what I’ve seen, he hardly seems aware of it.”

“Do you think he might benefit from talking to someone?”

Ignis swallowed. Selfishly, he wanted Noctis to talk to only _him_. But realistically, he knew that he couldn’t offer the same kind of help. “It’s crossed my mind.”

“Let me send you home with some paperwork today. It addresses speaking to loved ones with depression, advice on how to approach the subject, and treatment options that are available.”

After a moment’s consideration, Ignis nodded. “Thank you. I’ll speak with him tonight.”

* * *

Ignis read the paperwork front to back on the walk to Noctis’ apartment that evening. He had no plans to cook for him, since Noctis had texted and mentioned getting some dinner with Prompto, but visiting still felt appropriate. After their...lowering of boundaries the night before, Ignis felt that they needed to reestablish their places in each other’s lives. There was a lot to talk about, and after Ignis felt he had a good grasp on what the paperwork suggested, he had disposed of it in a bin outside of Noctis’ apartment.

Noctis was sitting on his bed when Ignis arrived, his back against the wall and a textbook in his lap. He looked up when Ignis arrived, an expectant smile tugging on his lips. Ignis felt that smile tug at his chest the same way it had the night before. He couldn’t let it continue the same way.

“How was dinner?” Ignis asked casually as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed, a little further from Noctis than wholly necessary.

Noctis eyed the distance, but didn’t acknowledge it as he closed his textbook. “Eh, not as good as your cooking,” he said, a half-smile tugging at his lips. “Just had some sandwiches at the diner.”

“Knowing you, your meal must have been mostly chips,” Ignis teased as he turned slightly to face Noctis. “It’s a wonder you’ve not put on weight. I’ll have to thank Gladiolus for keeping you in shape.”

“Ha-ha,” Noctis said as he rolled his eyes. It was familiar banter, and they both sank into it easily. “I’ll have you know I didn’t even take the lettuce off my burger.”

“Oh?” Ignis said, his eyebrows raising, feigning fascination. “The boy has grown into a man.”

“Shut up, Specs,” Noctis said, a slight laugh in his voice as he gently shoved at Ignis’ shoulder.

And there it was. The spark. The awkwardness. Ignis had been prepared for it, but he still felt his throat go dry as their eyes met. Noctis’ gaze moved to Ignis’ lips before he returned his gaze. 

“...I was...at my therapist’s, earlier today,” Ignis said conversationally, his gaze moving to the floor. “I was speaking to her about...a conversation that we had, the other day.”

Noctis’ expression lit with surprise. Ignis wasn’t sure if it was of the good variety or the bad. “You talked about me?”

“Of course. You make up a fair portion of my life.”

It was Noctis’ turn to swallow. A vulnerable look had entered his blue eye, and Ignis wasn’t sure if he liked it. “Yeah, I...I know. What did she say?”

“I was discussing...your feelings.” Ignis paused when Noctis gave him a dubious look. “Not about...what you’re thinking of. But towards your duties, and your future…”

Noctis seemed to clam up instantly at the thought of that. “Why?”

“Because I’m concerned for you, Noct. I’ve longed for this move out of the Citadel to be a positive one for you. Lately, however...it feels as though something has changed.”

“Like what?” Noctis said, his eyes growing a little narrower. Ignis was treading in dangerous waters.

“You smile less. You clean up after yourself less than you did even in the Citadel. Some days, you barely look me in the eyes, even at dinner.”

Noctis bit his bottom lip before he ducked his head, his hair shielding part of his face from Ignis’ view. “I told you, it’s just...me. It’s how I am.”

“Did you know I’ve said nearly those exact words to my therapist before?”

“What does that matter?”

“They had an answer for me. And that answer was...it isn’t how you have to be.”

“...it is,” Noctis said a little haltingly. “Look, Iggy...I appreciate all this, but...you can’t fix it.”

“I might be able to if you talk to me.”

“You can’t.”

Ignis frowned, and he reached out to try to take Noctis’ hand. To his surprise, Noctis yanked his hand out of reach.

“Noct?” he asked, more out of shock than out of hurt.

“It’s...it’s not about me.”

“Then what is it?”

Noctis was silent for a little too long. Ignis had considered reaching out again, but the slight sting from Noctis’ withdrawal stuck to him too firmly. “It’s...about Dad, okay?”

Surprise doused Ignis like cold water. “King Regis?”

“After I left the Citadel, I...started to see him differently. He’s...like, fragile now. Before...he was always the strongest person in the world to me. I don’t know what happened.”

Ignis swallowed. “Noct...you know the toll the ring takes on his body. It’s been happening for-”

“I know,” Noctis said sharply, his gaze moving back up to meet Ignis’. “Of course I know what it does. Of course I know it’s going to kill him. And then...it’ll be my turn. You’ll get to watch me wither away just like he is.”

The thought turned Ignis’ blood to ice. It isn’t as though he hadn’t considered it before, but having it stated so plainly was almost too much. “Noct, I...I’ve no idea what to say. I know that it’s a horrid burden, and the thought of you dealing with it hurts immeasurably...to the point that I certainly could have no idea how you feel...however…”

“What?” Noctis said. Ignis realized then that Noctis had balled his hands into fists. “‘It’s going to be okay’? ‘A king has to press on’? You think you can say anything I haven’t heard a million times? I…” Noctis’ voice grew choked as tears started in his blue eyes. “I’m going to lose my dad. He’s going to die. And then...everyone has their hopes on me. How am I...supposed to live up to that? Why was I...just born to die, like him?”

Ignis can’t stop himself from giving in. He took Noctis’ textbook from his lap, setting it aside as he slid close to Noctis, circling his arms firmly around his shoulders. “Noct,” he said in a tone as comforting as he could manage. Noctis felt like stone in his arms, but it didn’t keep him from trying to embrace him. “I’m...so sorry. All that I can tell you...is that you won’t face it alone. And if there’s anything I can ever do to ease your burden, you know that I will do it in an instant.”

Noctis’ breathing was a little ragged, but after a few minutes in Ignis’ arms, he seemed to shatter to pieces. Burying his face into the crook of Ignis’ neck, Noctis gave in to all of the sorrow and fear he had felt since leaving the Citadel. Ignis could feel him letting it all out, with each wracking sob and each tear that stained Ignis’ white dress shirt.

After the worst of it had passed, Noctis had lifted his head, his eyes red and his expression so vulnerable that it broke Ignis’ heart. “Stay with me,” Noctis managed. “Not...not like yesterday, but...like when we were kids...okay?”

Ignis couldn’t say no. That night, he held Noctis close to his chest as he shared his bed for the first time since they were children. They shared nothing but each other’s warmth, tender embraces, and soft words of encouragement. It’s more loving and intimate than Ignis could have ever dreamed, but when they woke up the next day, he knew Noctis’ daemons would still be there. But Ignis was firmly committed - they would face them together. There wasn’t a price in the word Ignis wouldn’t pay to change Noctis’ circumstances. All that was left was to find a way.


End file.
